Perhaps the most difficult thing I experience in my Christian life is finding the courage to tell the whole truth about myself that I know. I always become tense when I realize that another person is speaking openly about my problem.
The most interesting thing happens when I begin serving publicly and teaching other people something that I do not yet possess or understand myself. Yet the very essence of learning often lies in the fact that if a person wants to understand something better, he needs to begin teaching it to others.
The people close to me understand very well who I am. Even if I have skillfully disguised my true nature, it will still reveal itself.
But when I begin personal communion with God, the same habit of appearing better than I truly am also reveals itself in our relationship. I want to prove to God that I am good, that He should rejoice in my good deeds and carefully take note of them. I even try to imagine that I am becoming His special favorite because I do everything correctly and better than others.
But when God begins to convict me and places me in situations where my foolishness comes to the surface and becomes obvious to everyone, including me, I seek excuses instead of admitting my weakness or guilt. Or, even worse, I shift my guilt onto others, making them accomplices in my sins or blaming them as the primary cause of those sins.
When circumstances finally back me into a corner, I decide to be honest and admit my mistakes. It seems to me that I have revealed something new about myself and therefore deserve special mercy or respect because I have admitted my guilt and declared it openly. But if I am required to bear the consequences of my wrongdoing, my indignation knows no bounds. How can anyone treat me this way?! I sincerely confessed and repented, so they should simply forgive me and forget my failures. Yet they demand that I pay for the damage, pay a fine, or bear the consequences of my sin for the rest of my life. What a flagrant injustice!!! After all, I repented and confessed!!! Is that not enough?! How inhumanely they are treating me!
To be a true friend, we should learn to be honest with other people. We tend to idealize those who possess special talents, gifts, an attractive appearance, or apparent spirituality. If such a person is famous, then anything can be forgiven him. He simply cannot be a bad person because society has recognized him as unique, and unique people do not make mistakes.
And so I maintain a friendship, but at some point I realize that everything is coming apart at the seams. I am surrendering my position, and my stability is suffering serious damage. Instead of admitting it and asking for a break while explaining that I am dealing with personal problems, I begin searching for countless excuses. I try to preserve my image and avoid embarrassing myself. My friends believe me, seek to understand me in their love, and overlook my failures and mistakes. I take advantage of their trust and “throw dust in their eyes” to strengthen their respect for me.
Hypocrisy sometimes helps me escape unscathed and preserve my status. A friend knows how to love and forgive, so I may abuse his trust while expecting his mercy.
Jesus always loves me, and He knows everything. I soothe my conscience by asking Him to forgive me, a sinner, without trying to identify my sins specifically or examine them more deeply in the light of God’s disapproval. Then I wonder why there are no blessings in my life, and I have to invent them in order to impress others and maintain my status at the proper level.
And so I am forced to live this way. The most interesting thing is that I am surrounded by actors just like me, with the same ideas, ambitions, and worldview. Together we perform in a vast theater, waiting for applause and receiving the respect we believe we deserve. Then we go home, lock ourselves in our rooms, and suffer from loneliness.
Ceasing to be deceitful is a heroic achievement in our time. Accomplishing it requires power from above, the gift of repentance, and an understanding of our true condition in the light of God’s will.
When I become a friend to another person, openness and honesty are expected of me in our relationship. But this does not mean that I must reveal every secret and detail of my life to my friend or enter into every area of his life. There will always be private places that must remain forever closed to outside eyes. Even if someone wishes to enter them, I may politely make it clear that within this territory I desire to remain as I am and that no one has the right to intrude. For example, the spiritual atmosphere of my bedroom and my intimate relationship with my wife are precisely such a place, which no friend of mine will ever enter under any circumstances. There are many such areas into which even close friends should not be casually invited.
But Jesus is welcome everywhere. He is already omnipresent, yet His omniscience does not oppress me with condemnation. On the contrary, the Lord very gently points out the details of my imperfection that He would like to correct in me.
When I decide to be honest with the people close to me, I must not insult or harm them in the process. For example, if someone irritates me while I smile pleasantly at him and wish him abundant blessings, honesty toward that person does not mean telling him to his face everything I think about him or pouring all my disgust and indignation upon him. I should not tell him what I believe he truly is while adding that I am being completely honest and am also right. Such an understanding of honesty is called foolishness and idiocy. I think all my friends would quickly run away from me, and from their perspective, they would be right.
True honesty means that I first begin working things out with Jesus and seek to understand why my friend irritates me. I try to see what I need to change in my attitude. Then I admit to my friend that I do not understand his behavior and that this is creating difficulties in our relationship. I tell him that I would like to resolve them but need outside help and more reliable information about what I consider wrong or irritating. Tact and respect for another person are inseparable parts of Christian ethics and love. All negativity toward another person comes from an impure source. But if a person’s deeds are evil, that is an entirely different matter and deserves attention if there is an opportunity to help or correct something.
Being truthful does not mean calling myself insulting names and pronouncing curses upon my mistakes and sins. It means loving myself as a person redeemed by the blood of Christ. Truthfulness is admitting that I am a sinner who needs a Savior and is learning to be kind and loving.
Without Christ, I will not be able to correct my habits and will continue in hypocrisy, if it is present in me. It is like the color of my skin, which I am unable to change and do not even wish to change.
If the people close to me have exalted me in their eyes, I need courage to admit that I am what God shows me to be. Love knows how to correct this and does so without harming either my friends or me, opening new paths to renewal in the truth.
Bible Verses for Reflection
Jeremiah 17:9; Psalm 139:23–24; 1 Timothy 4:16; Acts 5:31–32; James 5:16; 4:10; Proverbs 15:33; Psalm 138:6; Proverbs 2:5–11; Matthew 26:31–35.