My understanding of friendship and love will always differ from the way others see and imagine them. And that is right. God Himself created us to be very different, and therein lies the special beauty of the human race. If I begin declaring that there are only two opinions—mine and the wrong one—I will have serious problems communicating with people.
The human worldview has a particular quality: a diversity of views and preferences. When they are brought together into one overall picture, they help us see many things from every side and in all their complexity.
Each of us understands closeness differently. When considering who my close friend is, I must take into account which love language I use in communicating with him and how much love I invest in our friendship.
Love is the strongest adhesive capable of joining very different hearts into one. Even when our preferences and views are completely alike, I will still have my own opinion, distinct from the opinions of others.
If a million people were asked to describe water to me without using the word itself, I can say with confidence that they would all correctly describe the same thing, yet among all those answers, not even two would be identical word for word.
The world has an expression: “Whom are we going to unite against?” The world will always impose its own definition upon every blessing of God.
“Tell me who your friend is, and I will tell you who you are.” Can I be judged by my friend? There are patterns of influence for good or evil that my friends may exert upon me and that I may exert upon them. If I bring happiness, love, and friendship into my friend’s life and he receives them, I may have a stronger influence on him than he has on me.
It is written that evil associations corrupt good character, and we are warned to avoid those who can spoil our character and teach us to do evil while calling it good. Such influence is real, and the enemy of souls uses it. God does not call me to rebuild Babylon or construct a church on the Titanic. But God has a plan to save people who are perishing, and He desires me to take an active part in it.
For all time, God has given the world the Very Best Friend to save it from the power of sin. The example of how Jesus loves and how kindly He treats those who hate and persecute Him will always be a model for me to follow. As I put His principles and the gift of agape love into practice in my life, I see how they first influence me and change my character. When I become someone’s friend, I change. A transformation takes place in my life, and I understand that I need special new wisdom to communicate and build a relationship with a new person. And God gives it to me.
Love is remarkable because, like water, it completely fills the form of another person’s perception. It does not try to change him but takes every feature of his character into account. Love finds elements in a friend’s soul that soften through prolonged contact with it, absorb its essence, and dissolve within it. They are transformed into something new. Water wears away stone, and love reshapes the soul.
I am always amazed by the love of Jesus for us—for so many different people. He approaches a person and begins communicating with him at the level of that person’s understanding and perception. He respects the opinions of others so deeply that He never enters into an argument. Instead, He listens very attentively and then gently offers His point of view, observing the person’s response.
The example of Jesus in His relationships with people always has been and always will be the perfect model to admire and follow. Yet my experiences and discoveries in love and friendship are not the final authority on truth. I am a limited human being, completely dependent upon God’s mercy and power, yet I desire with all my heart to take part in transforming the lives of others for God’s glory.
If I dream of becoming someone’s most dependable friend and most loving brother and ask God for the strength to do so, this does not mean that everyone must think and act the same way. In my understanding, “the most” does not mean the only one; it means someone who stands apart from others. I give this expression the meaning of true and genuine. Perhaps I idealize many things, but I try to compare everything with the example of Christ. As I love the way He loves, I grow, and my understanding grows as well.
Communion with Jesus transforms me. He shows me how the Best Friend in the world loves, and I try to act in the same way. Then I am able to see what God’s love accomplishes.
Without love, my friendship and my attitude toward people will become a temptation to me, and my motive will reflect my human interests.
Love without friendship is possible. Love is the most proper attitude toward every person. But friendship without love is an entirely different product from friendship that contains love. For example, if a person who lives according to the flesh studies the chapter about a close friend and decides to apply it in his life, this law will operate, and he will see a result. But where will that result lead?
If I drive a tank to capture enemy territory and know how to operate the machine, what will happen if my enemy gets into that tank? I do not think he will act according to my understanding, even though the tank’s mechanisms will obey the enemy just as well.
Friendship is a very powerful means of advancing when it is in loving hands. But in the understanding of the flesh, it becomes a highly complex mechanism that continues to operate in a different direction. Then everyone, including God, is blamed for the irreparable destruction and severe consequences that follow.
Without love, my friendship is very dangerous. It has no solid foundation and may crack and collapse under any trial, burying trusting souls beneath it.
In this sense, Jesus is the Best Friend. He will not fall, turn His weapons against His friends, betray them, or disappoint them. We can be friends with Him. He is strong and steadfast at all times. He will withstand every trial while remaining just as tender and loving.
I can always compare myself with Jesus and bring my views into harmony with His standards. I can even imitate absolutely everything He does without fear, but it is best to do all of it with love.
The enemy of souls desired to be like the Most High—not in character, but in strength and authority. And he failed.
To be like Jesus does not mean having the same hairstyle and clothing. It means studying His character and putting these discoveries into practice in my life.
For me, Christ’s attitude toward me is the example of true love and friendship. I discovered these principles, tried them in my relationships with friends and many different people, and saw that they work and bring blessings. It is so remarkable.
The greatest miracle in the entire universe is that I love. At times, I can hardly believe such a thing is possible, but I see all this power and influence. They are not mine, yet I claim them as my own by right of the new birth and make myself an instrument of God through which this treasure can be given to a thirsty world.
The Best Friend is that very best Jesus, and no one can be more dependable than He is. So forgive me, friends, but Jesus is better than you. I am not ashamed to say it, nor do I intend to offend you by it. After all, He is the One Who gives me friendship and love for you so that you may be made happy by their touch.
Bible Verses for Reflection
Psalm 62:5–9; Matthew 18:11; 11:19; John 8:10–11, 15–16; 11:11, 43; 12:7; 20:27; 21:17; Luke 19:5; Matthew 26:32.