As I study the laws of friendship and receive this gift from God, I understand that ultimately everything comes down to the fact that I must make a choice and do something about it. If I shut myself off from the entire world and take no action, nothing will happen. A talent must be put to work and produce the influence that has been placed within it.
As I invest my strength and my heart in my friends, I do not know what I will receive in return. But the law of sowing and reaping tells me that cactus plants do not grow from seeds of love, and friends will grow from seeds of friendship. I am surrounded by living people who long for love. I simply need to find the key to each heart, and then it will open to me forever. In that case, I can place as much love and happiness as I desire into these treasuries of the soul.
Yet among all these friends are some who are especially close to you. How can I understand who my close friend is? How can I distinguish him from the others? Why did he become close? Why cannot everyone be close?
We know that God has no favorites, and I often hear this statement. But what does it mean? Is it true? How should we understand Romans 9:13: “As it is written, Jacob have I loved, but Esau have I hated”? What kind of partiality is this?
It is not for me to judge God or decide how He sees us. But I know that the Savior’s attitude toward the righteous differs from His attitude toward sinners. He loves both, but He is friends only with the righteous. Among the righteous, some are closer to Him because they desire to know His will. Others have believed but have not understood in Whom they have believed. They do not know what to do next and have no desire to take any action.
Love and friendship are two sisters. They look very much alike, but they have different purposes and exert different influences upon the heart. We are told to love our enemies, pray for those who mistreat us, and bless those who curse us, but we are not told to be friends with them. Love acts in the same way toward both friends and enemies. It loves these people and responds to them only in the right spirit, receiving its strength from Christ.
Friendship involves my heartfelt attachment to another person. It singles a friend out from among millions of other people and makes him my friend.
One day, a coworker asked me to drive him to a car lot so that he could choose something to buy. The salesman immediately declared that we were friends and continued calling us that throughout our visit. His heart appeared open to something more, and he seemed so sincerely glad to see us. But when my coworker made it clear that he would not buy anything, I was surprised by the way our new friend began to behave. In the end, he did not even say goodbye to us. I think that even if we had bought something, our newly acquired friend would have forgotten us immediately. Yet he himself had called us friends, and when such words are spoken, I understand them according to their true meaning. There are many other forms of address that express respect toward a stranger, but for some reason people call everyone a friend, diminishing the meaning of the word.
Jesus said in John 15:14, “Ye are My friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.” The Lord made it clear that Heaven does not call everyone a friend. But once a person has received this status, it does not change. We can then read what Judas was called during his betrayal. Matthew 26:49–50 says: “And forthwith he came to Jesus, and said, Hail, Master; and kissed Him. And Jesus said unto him, Friend, wherefore art thou come? Then came they, and laid hands on Jesus, and took Him.”
But if a friend can become a traitor, whom can I call a close friend? To be close means to be very near, right here beside me. A close friend is someone very dear to me in spirit and through personal affection. But how can this be determined? Perhaps it is the person who talks to me more than anyone else about his friendship and love? Yet I may listen to him out of respect without returning his feelings. I may even simply tolerate him because he is a friend. It would be wonderful if he would just be quiet, but I let him speak. My characteristics differ from those of my friend, but I accept him as he is and have no intention of changing him. However, once I understand the law of closeness, I begin to view all this differently.
A close friend is someone to whom I can tell everything that is in my heart, knowing that he will simply listen. It is someone to whom I can entrust my secrets, knowing that he will not reveal them to others but will help resolve whatever is within his power. It is someone who always finds time for me and never condemns me. It is someone who respects my freedom and loves me.
Please notice how I have reversed all my definitions of a friend. If a friend is someone whom I treat as I described earlier, then a close friend is someone who treats me as I have just described.
A close friend is not someone who has revealed his secrets to me while I am not ready to entrust him with mine. It is the other way around. Closeness in friendship is determined not by the amount of time we communicate, but by the trust we express toward one another in our relationship.
In our school, we can see how many students open their hearts in their answers. They do this daily and sincerely, and then they allow other people to look inside them as well.
I can say with confidence that I have become a close friend to many of them. I do not share as much with them in return, but I receive what they reveal to me. You do not hear every answer, and not every secret from our conversations is made public. But because I understand this law of closeness, I rejoice that the Lord gives me such friends, and I believe this brings a mutual blessing. How easy it is to communicate with a close friend and help him. His heart is already open to you. He has no one else whom he can trust. Therefore, such friends should be valued and tenderly preserved in the heart.
The School of Love teaches us to love. If this spirit comes upon us in our relationships with one another, we should not resist it. It is a gift from the Lord.
But the closest Friend of all is, of course, Jesus. He is ready to listen to all my secrets, problems, needs, and anxieties. He will never cast me out or say that He has no time. He will listen to everything very attentively, embrace me, comfort me, gently stroke me, hold me close to Himself, and carry me in His arms. Although this is invisible, it can be felt by the heart.
He is the One Who showed me such closeness. When I began treating my friends in the same way, I saw that it worked. But a friend may refuse this closeness. He may make it clear that he is not interested in understanding my problems and secrets. Although this hurts, it does not trouble me. I understand that he is free to make his own decision, and I see that we are simply friends, not close friends. Then I take all these things to Jesus and rejoice that He is the closest Friend of all.
Throughout my life, I have learned to resolve all my problems with Jesus so well that I do not burden my friends with them. They cannot help me in the way He can. Yet the Lord is not opposed to our bearing one another’s burdens.
We have been given to one another for love and close relationships, because through them God can very easily convey His truths to us and reveal His loving character. Everyone will know that we are His disciples if we have love for one another.
It is good to have close friends, but it is especially wonderful to be a close friend to others as well.
Bible Verses for Reflection
Luke 12:4; John 15:15; 13:23; 19:26; 20:2; 21:7; 11:5; Mark 10:21; John 13:1.