If you ask anyone who a friend is and what he imagines a friend to be like, each person will have his own understanding, which will differ somewhat from yours and mine. But if you ask people to think deeply and describe more fully the character of the friend they desire, every one of them will describe the character of Jesus, even if they know nothing about Him. Try asking the people close to you, and you will discover that people need a loving God Who understands their needs. The world is tired of conditions and deception. We live in a vast theater where everyone plays a role, while God has been portrayed as Someone Who has no concern for my needs and requires only obedience, appeasement, and worship.
Of course, there will also be people whose understanding of friendship reflects the extent of their own corruption. They imagine a friend to be a kindly millionaire uncle whose only dream is to support them and their entire family while caring solely about their needs.
But who is a friend? What should he be like? And what is friendship?
If I do not have a correct understanding of these things, I will invent one based on what I have heard in songs, seen in movies, and read in books. This image will satisfy my selfish impulses until I meet a true friend who destroys all my stereotypes while simply remaining himself, loving me, and accepting me as I am.
But what is a true friend really like? Have you ever thought about it? Each of us has had, or still has, a special emotional attachment to certain people. Sometimes this bond comes from childhood or our school years. Some people found a friend at church, while others found one among their neighbors or within their family. And some have no friends at all. Even if they do, death takes their friends away, leaving them completely alone.
Friend, where are you?! You must exist! Where can I find you?!
Some people have reached the point where they no longer need anyone. Even the truest friend would weary their soul and irritate a mind corrupted by sin.
But what is a true friend like? And why must he be true?
I often hear expressions such as these: “Be a friend and do this for me.” “If you are my friend, then act this way.” “Friends do not behave like that.” “My friend, buy this from me.” “Good morning, friends.”
We have all become accustomed to being addressed this way. Even in our school, I call you friends and nothing else. But I can say for myself that I do this consciously and truly regard you as friends. I understand what I am saying, even though I will never meet many of you personally. This form of address is customary in our society, and people do not think about what it means.
On social media, I have always been puzzled by the “Add Friend” or “Friends” feature. Anyone who adds me to his contact list can be placed under that label. I simply do not know many of them. And when strangers from Africa who do not even speak my language send me friend requests, it becomes quite amusing. I cannot change this, however, and I have grown accustomed to it.
Society has formed its own idea of a person’s friend and spread it thin across the whole sandwich of my understanding. I am surrounded by friends everywhere, even though I have never personally met many of them.
When a person hears that I want to become his friend, he simply does not understand where to add me so that I can remain somewhere in the background without interfering with his life. After all, the mind has grown accustomed to sending everyone into an archive and taking pleasure in bare statistics. Better yet, a person can start a YouTube channel, gather subscribers, call them friends, and entertain them with his videos.
I do not want to boast and desire to remain humble, but I will nevertheless say that I consider myself a true friend to those to whom I have declared my friendship. I do not want merely to define this expression; I want to demonstrate through my personal example what it means to be a true friend.
I understand that if I have given a promise or my word of friendship, I must keep it. Even if my feelings tell me otherwise, I have already established this status in my heart as a principle governing my attitude toward people. I will not tell everyone that I am his friend, but once I have said it, I bear responsibility for those words. I understand what I am doing.
Being a friend is not very difficult. It means that I respect a person’s freedom of choice and am prepared to take part in his life in whatever way, and to whatever degree of closeness, he allows. I respect his opinion, consider his interests and family circumstances, understand his needs, and look for opportunities to take part in his life. I can become a close friend only when the friend himself allows me to become one, but we will discuss this in another chapter.
Being a true friend means being myself while loving the person I have chosen as a friend. No one can force or persuade me to become someone’s friend. I, too, am free in my choice and know how to make it. This is not merely a decision; it is also my responsibility before my friend and before God. I always ask God to bless every friendship I have with people so that it may also bear the seal of His approval.
I will say at once that I have different kinds of friends. There are even some who hate me and wish me harm. But I cannot reject them, because I remember the good days when we were friends and understood one another. At times, this makes life difficult, but I cannot change my attitude. I would rather make a mistake on the side of love and friendship than remove a person from my life. I am not saying that this is right or that everyone should act this way, but it is my decision, and it makes life easier for me. I can be honest with everyone, even when I do not have enough time and strength for them all.
A friend has a special place in my heart—a place that is not limited by a fixed number of shelves or by my abilities. Into this place, I welcome the living souls of the people I have chosen as friends so that I may be true to them throughout my life. I plan to remain that way throughout Eternity. I cannot imagine friendship with conditions. How could that be friendship? It would merely be a business relationship that ends when the business is over. To me, friendship is something eternal.
Conditions can apply only to how a relationship is conducted. For example, I am a married man and have a wife. Then I gain a new friend—a sister in Jesus. I begin being her friend, but within the boundaries of my marital status, remaining faithful to my wife even in my thoughts. This is my condition, and I have no intention of violating it. But if this sister allows herself to desire something more, sins before God in her heart, and wishes to cross this boundary, I will then have to explain to her in detail that I fear God, do not approve of such an approach, and will not commit such evil, while still remaining her friend.
Feelings will pass, but the principle will remain.
Very often, my friendship helps sustain people when everything in their lives is falling apart. They understand that I am the only one who has not abandoned them, and they open their hearts to me. Then I can help them in whatever ways are within my power. This happens often.
There are also friends who simply do not need me. I see it, and it hurts, but I decide to continue loving them and to wait for the time when perhaps something in their attitude will change.
I took the way Jesus relates to me as my example of friendship and decided to relate to my friends in the same way. I rejoice in the constancy with which He loves me. He understands, and I learn from Him. I want His image to be reflected in me, and I believe this is right. Friendship is forever.
Bible Verses for Reflection
Proverbs 17:17; Psalm 91:14–16; 46:1; 62:11; Luke 15:20; 1 John 4:10–11; Psalm 126:5–6; Isaiah 54:2–3.