I remember a time when our entire family went out for a walk, and each person chose a different direction, insisting that everyone go that way and under no circumstances in any other direction. It sounds foolish now, but at the time, it was an enormous problem. In the end, each of us went wherever he wanted, convinced that his own path was best. Afterward, we had no friendly communication for a long time because everyone considered himself right and deeply offended. At that time, I had not yet asked God for love to resolve such problems and acted according to what I considered right. My belief that I was the head of the family and therefore had the authority to decide how everyone should live greatly damaged our family relationships and provoked resistance from those close to me. It is now very painful and shameful to remember. Yet I see that this kind of thinking appears very often in our relationships with people.
Life joins human destinies in friendly relationships, and we gain friends through shared interests, rejoicing that someone thinks as I do. We call this merging of hearts into one whole—driven by one idea and possessing common interests—friendship. During such a relationship, I realize that my friend has become very close to me. He knows a great deal about me and has access to the secrets of my life and soul, and I do not want to lose him. Considering how much we have shared together over the years, I will probably never find another person like him anywhere in life, nor do I need to. This friend satisfies all my emotional needs, and I need no one else.
When I was a teenager, I had two friends with whom I shared many things. But one of them drowned. My mind could not comprehend it. How could it be that he no longer existed? A year later, my other friend was killed in a fight that he himself had started. My friendship died together with these people. I was seventeen years old, did not know God, and had been raised by the streets. I had no idea where to seek comfort. Yet the concept of friendship remained within me.
Afterward, life gave me new interests and acquaintances. I lived according to the laws of this world because I knew no others. All of this shaped my mind, making me unfit for Heaven and perhaps even an enemy of God. Yet Jesus noticed this useless person and began drawing me to Himself. My sins did not deter Him. He simply wanted to show me His love, and He continues doing so to this day. I believed that I had a Friend and responded to Him, but I brought my old ideas about friendship with me into my new life.
In my new spiritual growth, however, I received different laws from the Lord, and I liked them very much. Yet they were extremely difficult to put into practice because God’s law without God’s love was a heavy burden that I felt obligated to carry. Even so, I liked it because I understood that this path was better than the one I had previously followed. My ideas about many things continued traveling with me, and this trailer filled with worldly knowledge greatly damaged my life.
God gave me new friends in the church, but my former ideas about friendship destroyed these relationships, and I did not understand what was happening. Many brothers and sisters lived according to their own understanding. We walked together in unity until we reached the first crossroads of opinion, where we had to choose the right direction. If our interests did not agree, we parted, and our friendship ended. In the world, it might still have been possible to correct something. But in spiritual life, I believed that yielding to someone meant betraying Christ. I could not do that, and my friends thought the same way. We separated, each taking his own road. In complete agreement, though by different routes, we all moved toward the same goal while trying not to cross paths. Meanwhile, everyone appeared to me to be a stubborn Pharisee. Naturally, I did not consider myself one.
Perhaps I am painting the picture too darkly, and in reality, everything was not so bleak. We still communicated, but the friendship we needed so deeply was absent. Some friends remained despite everything, yet I had no proper understanding of such relationships.
Fortunately, the Lord did not leave me in this condition. He loves me deeply and desires to teach me something better.
How painful it always is when you walk through life with a friend and everything is wonderful, but suddenly you see a fork in the road. You choose the one correct and best path and begin directing your steps toward it because it does not contradict the truth. But your friend confidently chooses the other path. You cannot understand why he is so blind. You want to help him, but he resists. The most ordinary thing is that this crossroads of opinions may be found on my dinner plate, in the way I spend my free time, or in my closet. Yet my pride inflates it into such an enormous problem that taking one step to the side becomes equivalent to renouncing the faith and committing the lowest betrayal of Christ, Who revealed these principles to me. Within the family, it can become even more intense and yet more trivial. If one person believes that a banana must be peeled from the stem while the other cannot tolerate it, conflict becomes unavoidable. As a result, all your foolish relatives are declared guilty, while you are considered a failure in life and the living embodiment of evil. This is a general description of the everyday problems that most often cause disagreement.
Unfortunately, I am not the only person like this. The root of this evil lies within my heart, in my pride. It refuses to allow love to purify my mind, dictates its own rules, and even uses the Bible to confirm me in my ambitions.
But love does not boast. Love drives this evil spirit out of the heart and reveals the best solution to the problem with the least possible loss.
The most brutal war among friends occurs when two lonely egotists meet. A man and a woman fall in love and decide to create a family. Once married, each wants to advance his own ambitions and habits as the common rule for everyone. Their love and friendship disappear somewhere, and they sit amid their shattered plans, weeping over what has befallen them and asking why they deserve such a trial. Before the wedding, every issue was resolved without difficulty, and they yielded and showed consideration toward one another. But the problem is that infatuation had substituted itself for love. At the first crossroads, it died of fear and was unable to rise again. Yet life must continue, so duty and obligation are called upon to help them proceed.
Friendship without love is a very difficult undertaking and extremely hard to manage. Every crossroads requires incredible effort to overcome, yet for the sake of friendship, a person believes he must sacrifice himself. Will anyone appreciate such a sacrifice? I did this and that for him, and look what he did! But life must continue. I sacrifice myself and wait for someone to appreciate it—at least after my death.
Love resolves everything very quickly. Is there a crossroads ahead? Which way are you going? May I go with you? I want to understand why you chose this path. Perhaps I have overlooked something. My path is not bad either. Could we walk beside each other? Please do not be troubled that I think this way. I simply do not yet know another way and am still learning. Forgive me for acting this way. I am deeply sorry that I caused you so much distress. Could we somehow correct this together?
Love is inventive in finding the best solutions, even when they do not benefit itself. Yet in the end, love wins. It knows how to “peel bananas” from either end and sees the solution to a conflict long before the conflict arrives.
Bible Verses for Reflection
1 Corinthians 3:3; 1 Timothy 6:3–5; 1 Peter 3:8–12; 1 Corinthians 11:18–19; 1 Peter 1:22; 1 Timothy 1:5.