This chapter, like all the others, is one of the most important and necessary chapters to understand and absorb.
If you simply read it and notice nothing, perhaps the time has not yet come for you to receive this material.
I want to present the main question of this chapter at the beginning so that you can try to answer it before I give you the answer.
What is the purpose of creating a family?
I very often ask this question of those who are planning to marry, those who are already married, and those who are preparing to divorce. Almost every time, I realize that people have no goal. They simply live without knowing where they are going, or they live according to what society considers normal. Every person has his own ideas about family. Some associate it with joy and happiness, others with bitter experiences, and still others with disappointment. Before the wedding, however, everything was different. Everything was wonderful for everyone. Sin destroys even the strongest relationships. Once you set foot on this destructive path, you can no longer stop. You do not know how to end it, and your entire life rushes rapidly downward into the depths of something unknown.
What should you do? Do you want to have a happy family? I know what a family should not be, and I gladly help those who have become confused and disappointed.
I believe divorce is the worst solution to family problems, and it is better not to let matters reach that point. Why should a marriage be dissolved? Did you have a common goal toward which you walked together in unity, bringing each other joy through your discoveries?
Why do you need a family? The usual answers sound like this: I am tired of living alone. I want something new. It is better to be together than alone. I want a child. I want my own house or apartment. I want sex within marriage. I am afraid of being alone in old age. We will serve together. We will come to know God together and establish a family altar. I need someone to cook so I will not have to cook for myself. I want a woman. I need a man in the house. I am tired of living in poverty. I want to buy many things and travel, but I need someone who will pay for it. We will believe in God together. I do not know what a family is for; everyone lives this way, so I need to do it too.
These answers are not invented; they come from real life. This list could be continued. Such expectations and desires arise both before marriage and during married life. There is nothing wrong with them, yet we still need to understand the very essence of creating a family. Why is it needed? What is it? What purpose did God have when He created the first married couple? There is an ultimate purpose in God’s plan for the family: through it, to reveal God’s character and love to the entire universe.
But what is necessary for this? Which path should we choose? How can we reach this purpose if we have no goal and no understanding of what it means to reveal God’s character?
We begin trying everything we consider right. We gain extensive experience in everyday family life, traditions, unfulfilled expectations, and bitter disappointments. Sometimes we encounter happy families that live peacefully and carry out their small daily tasks.
But so that we do not continue guessing, let us state the correct answer.
The purpose of creating a family is to come to know one another more closely.
I did not invent this. It is God’s plan for humanity.
However simple this task may sound, its meaning is very deep. The more you think about it, the more deeply you understand it.
What do you hear in the expression “knowing Christ”? The entire essence of Christianity and the mystery of Eternal life are contained in this expression. We read in John 17:3: “And this is life eternal, that they might know Thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, Whom Thou hast sent.” These are the words of Jesus Himself. He revealed the purpose of my Christian journey and established the direction I should follow.
Let us apply this principle to the family. We are to come to know one another, discovering new abilities, talents, character traits, and distinctive qualities within ourselves. The heart of my life companion is a wellspring of endless discoveries and possibilities. This is a process that has a beginning but never ends. Even if death separates us, an endless Eternity opens before us, and we continue coming to know one another. This is a small illustration of true knowledge—the knowledge of God Himself and of Jesus Christ, Whom He sent. Every other goal will eventually be reached, and then I will be disappointed in my expectations. I will be saddened because there is nothing more toward which I can strive.
God designed the family to be the center and demonstration of true friendship through deep cooperation in coming to know one another. Everything is taken into account here, and in one form or another, we encounter the same trials we will face from outside the family. God has given me for life a person whom I do not know at all. My task throughout my life is to keep discovering in my life companion a friend, a wife, a helper, an opponent, an independent person, and much more, using the knowledge I gain for the good of our family and our common work. Along this path of life, children are born to us. They grow up and leave. We buy some things and throw others away. We travel somewhere and return. We build houses and buy apartments. We serve, believe, and doubt. We fall and rise again. We bury one another and grieve while awaiting a beautiful reunion in Heaven, where we will continue our discoveries and know even as I am known.
Our mutual and voluntary study of one another leads us to unconditional friendship, because it is impossible not to be friends with someone you know very well. True friendship begins in the family. At least, this is how God designed it.
But what do we see in our families? I live with someone I do not know at all. I have neither interest in him nor time for him, and he responds to me in the same way. Throughout our lives, we try to correct one another and defend our own rights while knowing the other person’s duties. We establish rules and then break them ourselves. Finally, exhausted by this entire family nightmare, we begin dreaming about things that are better left unspoken.
Yet the key to happiness is very near. But both people must take it and open their hearts to one another. If I alone open my heart, I may expose myself to even greater attacks. Nevertheless, this step is worth taking.
Of course, some people have already found this goal and are confidently moving toward it. Even so, it is worth stating again and understanding with both the heart and the mind. If I am guided only by intuition in this direction, I will most likely lose my way one day and reach a dead end. But a clear understanding and vision of the goal will help me maintain the right course and always return to it whenever I deviate.
Friendship within the family is an entire field of knowledge that should be studied together. We should comprehend its depth, discover its mysteries, and recognize its advantages. Friendship should be the starting point of a relationship. We should strengthen our position as a friend and continue doing so after the wedding.
A wedding is not the end of friendship or the beginning of dull, ordinary family life. It is the path of great discoveries in the heart of the person who has chosen to walk beside you through life, becoming one with you.
Love for oneself also includes the person closest to us, with whom we are one flesh. How can I refuse to love myself or be friends with myself? If my head hurts, I should not cut it off. It is better to treat it and continue living with it.
The honeymoon is an interesting invention, but it has no biblical foundation in God’s plans. The time of coming to know one another should continue throughout life. Deep acquaintance with a friend has a lawful beginning, but it has no end. How can you not be friends with someone you know so well?
Consider 1 Peter 3:5, 7; Colossians 1:9; and Hebrews 13:20–21 in the light of this chapter.
Bible Verses for Reflection
John 17:3; Genesis 2:24; Song of Solomon 1:5, 8, 14–15; 2:2, 16; 5:16; Ephesians 4:15–16; 5:28, 33; 1 Peter 3:5, 7; Colossians 1:9; Hebrews 13:20–21.