Life with God brings me into a community of like-minded people who share my convictions, teach me, influence me, and come under my influence. Together we are called the Church of Christ; we are God’s people, a movement founded by God, and He leads His people, preserves us, and blesses us.
If the Lord were to show me my entire path with Him, from beginning to end, I would be very surprised to discover that the darkest periods of my life, planned by God, were the greatest blessing for me.
The Church of Christ is at the third stage of faith and does not go any farther. But God calls each person who has reached a certain point in growth to continue moving higher individually.
A person moves from experience and knowledge to relationships and self-examination. God desires to have a closer personal relationship with each of us. He dreams of each of us as a friend, as someone who will seek not only blessings from Him but will desire to have a personal, deep relationship with Him, trying to understand Who the Lord is, how near He is, and how I can know Him personally.
When I am occupied with ministry, I simply have no time for this relationship. I must arrange everything, organize everything, and visit everyone; my daily planner is filled with plans and tasks. At the same time, I must earn a living, put my household in order, and take care of many other things. But God plunges me into darkness and says, “Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10).
And I move into the next stage of faith.
4. The Journey Within Yourself.
How painful it was to pass through the darkness. But after coming out of it, I understood that during that time I had to reevaluate many things, reconsider my life, and discover that I have a heart I do not yet know. I am a person, a human being born for Eternal life with Christ; I am unique and unknown even to myself. The Lord gives me so many talents and abilities, but I become lost in all of this and want first to understand myself.
I want to understand what kind of people surround me, how close they are to me, and whether I can have deeper relationships with them. I have a great many questions for God. I even have complaints about various situations, and I begin to express them directly in my prayers and simply in my fellowship with Him. Although I do not hear a literal answer, I receive these answers in another way, and at times I understand that I do not need an answer as much as I need the One Who answers. I thirst so greatly for this closeness with God, with my Savior; I feel so good when He is near. I consult Him about every little thing and can come to Him in prayer at any time.
I do not make my relationship a general rule for everyone. It is personal to me, and for each person at this stage it unfolds differently, not as it does for me; but the principle is one and the same—I thirst for a closer relationship.
The invisible God becomes even closer to me, and at the same time I seek human closeness. I would like to have a spiritual mentor on this path as well; I long to find explanations and interpretations for all my “whys” and “hows.” How joyful it is to listen to and read the writings of those who have traveled this path and share their experiences.
In the light of these new experiences, my view of ministry and fellowship with people begins to change. I see the depth and meaning of God’s providence for His people. I see that we are a family—all different, with different positions and understandings, yet brought together to influence, educate, support, and bless one another. Many of us like one another so much that we even establish families and have children who enlarge our community.
In all of this, I look for someone with whom I can have a very close and friendly relationship, so that I may freely share what I am experiencing and also learn from my friend what he is experiencing. Not everyone opens up to such fellowship, and at times I remain completely alone among closed-off friends. I simply become incomprehensible to many. What do I need?
But in Jesus I find that closest Friend, Who will always understand and support me. And He conducts a dialogue with me very skillfully. I do not hear His voice, but my heart heeds His instruction and His Spirit. It is so fascinating. I comprehend the deep things of God and marvel at new discoveries.
I greatly enjoy being friendly, but in this friendship I long for a very close relationship. I am ready to trust a person so that I may hear wise instruction and reproof from him, but everyone is occupied with themselves—and, for that matter, so am I.
At times my questions disconcert many people, and I see that not everyone is yet ready for the kind of relationship I offer. But this does not trouble me, because I was once the same way, and I know how difficult it is to open up to a friend: what if he betrays or deceives me?
But I move forward in faith. I have heard that something is written in the Bible about love. How good it would be to comprehend this quality of the soul as well and apply it to our relationships. That would be wonderful. But for now, I am learning to understand my inner world, discovering new values and setting the right priorities. And life goes on. And we grow.
I see many of my friends approach the trials through which I have passed, and they are afraid to enter this darkness. How can I help them? I have not yet understood myself. And all of this is painful. But if it is put off until later, it will be even more painful—or it will never happen.
But no matter at what stage my friends and loved ones may have become stuck, as long as they remain in God’s family and in the Body of Christ, they should not fear destruction. The Lord accepted them not to reject them, but to preserve them from evil and prepare them for Eternity.
I have friends whose child has a disability and very limited intellectual development. But they love him very much and care for him with great tenderness. They have no intention of killing this little person; instead, they arrange their life so that this child will feel well and comfortable in his family. He remains their beloved son, with whom they plan to spend all Eternity, despite the fact that he is not like other people. How much better is the Lord in His love for us! And how often we distort His love, attributing to Him our human notions and ambitions.
But as I come to know God more closely, I understand that He is Love.
The Lord cooperates with me in my self-discovery and journey within myself. I discover so many new characteristics and learn how wonderfully I am made, and how beautiful the Lord is in my heart. As I study myself, I see everywhere God’s Hand creating a new person. My new heart is also very unique; it is not made of stone but of flesh, and upon it are visible the traces of God’s finger, which writes a new story of my life, crossing out everything old and unclean.
Sometimes it is very painful to discover filth within myself, but I rejoice that when I find this impurity, I remove it with God’s help, and it is no longer there.
How greatly I need friends. But if I do not have them, I will make them my friends by giving myself to them. I must begin with what is in my hands and within my power.
I have also heard that God has some special love for me—a love that always exists and never ends. How wonderful it would be to possess it continually. How much good could be done in such a state of soul. I must study this question too, but first I will understand myself.
Yes, there is no way without love.
Homework 211
What did you understand from this lesson? Is what we are studying clear to you? Are you ready for changes in your life? Are you frightened by what awaits you in the future? If I decide to remain at the stage where I am now, will this be a denial of Christ and a manifestation of disobedience? How can I determine where I am now among the stages of faith? Why does God need such a long process for my spiritual development? Do you have a different understanding of God’s path for the development of a person? Please share it if you do. How does God regard my cries, complaints, grievances, and accusations directed at Him? Do I come under a curse for behaving this way? Does God continue to love me if I become stuck in my development or stubbornly refuse to go farther through darkness and fire? What should I do to accelerate my spiritual growth? In the light of our lesson, please read Psalm 46:10; Ephesians 4:13; 2 Peter 3:17–18; Job 38:25–27; Luke 1:80; 2:40; 2 Corinthians 10:15–18; Colossians 1:5–6; and 2 Thessalonians 1–3.