I once heard a story about a boy who grew up among brothers. One day, he was sent to stay for a while with relatives who had only girls. When the boy returned home, his parents decided to find out what new things he had discovered while being in their company. The boy replied, “When we boys do not like something, we start fighting, but when even the slightest thing goes wrong, girls take offense. Then it becomes impossible to continue playing with them.”
A daughter grew up in my home, and I remember her reaction to any “injustice.” She would swell up like a soap bubble. I understood that something had to be done about this, and I devised different ways to bring my daughter out of that condition. It seems that I always succeeded.
Taking offense is the most widespread and treacherous form of pride. Like a rusty lock, it locks a person’s heart, and sometimes even its own key cannot turn in the keyhole. Such a lock can hold its victim bound and imprisoned for years. But there is One Who knocks at this closed door and offers oil in the form of ointment to pour into the lock and open it—and to put the lamp in order at the same time.
Taking offense can assume different forms. In some people it proceeds very quietly and remains unnoticed, while something abnormal is taking place deep within the soul. The person understands that he has been hurt and prefers to close himself off from the offender and stop communicating with him or having heartfelt conversations rather than resolving the matter with the one who has acted so despicably. After all, such behavior is simply impossible to tolerate, so it is better to harbor resentment and never forgive. The relationship then becomes superficial or ends for as long as the resentment remains. It often happens that the “offending party” does not know or understand the reason for such behavior and, feeling no guilt, has no idea what to do. The tendency to take offense begins to develop in childhood. Years, and sometimes an entire lifetime, pass in this condition. If an offended person is asked why he has closed himself off from someone, he may not even remember what happened. But at some point, he marked the offender in his heart as a person with whom he should not maintain a close and trusting friendship.
Sometimes taking offense is visible and is openly expressed through hostile, demonstrative silence, obvious irritation, grumbling, a scandal, or slamming a door. Everyone takes offense according to the measure of his own corruption.
Have you noticed how the atmosphere changes in any gathering when an offended person appears? Such a person becomes a killer of joy and happiness, and everyone breathes a sigh of relief when he leaves or changes to a friendly disposition.
Very often, without even noticing it, proud people bring their personal grievances into the company of those who have nothing to do with their problems. They unleash all their hostility upon innocent people, leaving them bewildered, simply because someone somewhere offended someone else. People say of such neighbors that they got up on the wrong side of the bed or that they are people whose behavior depends on their mood.
Jesus gave us very good counsel about how to fight resentment. He invites us to forgive, just as we have been forgiven.
It is written that love does not vaunt itself. It does not know how to take offense and very quickly finds another way to resolve any task or problem.
When love establishes its Kingdom in a person’s heart, it sets before itself the task of cleansing the soul so thoroughly that no dark place and no impurity remains in any corner of it.
Love forgives everything, and it does so very easily. It finds the right words to resolve in a few minutes all the questions and problems that have remained unresolved for a long time.
No matter how I may try to justify my grievances, in the eyes of God they are pride—the very sin that separates us and destroys our fellowship. God resisteth the proud.
My friends, I ask you to understand the word “resisteth” very clearly. It means that a sorrowful entry has been made beside my name in the Book of Life—an entry that does not testify in my favor. I risk losing Eternity because I cherish in my heart something that is contrary to God and abhorrent in His sight. I will not be able to bring impurity into the company of holy beings, and I must approach the resolution of this issue very seriously, here and now. If I am an adversary of God, I will have serious problems that I cannot solve on my own.
But pride convinces me that I am right, that I was treated unjustly, cruelly offended, and deeply wounded. “I did this and that for him, and he...!!!” Sometimes my conviction that I am right goes so far that I want to put the words “I am right” on a T-shirt so that my heightened sense of justice becomes obvious to everyone. Is that not so?! With such an attitude, one can harbor resentment even against the whole world. Gossip and breaking news very often put me into a state of resentment over outrageous injustice, and I fight against this. I build the walls of my personal prison called “resentment.”
But God offers His grace to everyone, while only the humble in heart receive it. A humble soul is free from resentment, and pride is foreign to it. It finds a simple solution to every injustice in the form of forgiveness and love.
Love does not know how to take offense; it sees no point in doing so.
Sometimes friends or neighbors approach me with this statement: “Andrey, if something is wrong, please tell me. If I have offended you in some way, then please forgive me.” It gives the impression that they learned this speech at school and now recite it together like verses from a textbook, without thinking about its meaning and simply saying the phrases in the proper sequence. I usually answer jokingly: “Confess—what did you steal?” Or: “Come on, tell me how I offended you.” Without realizing it, people reveal their deeply rooted problems.
Touchiness is a very sensitive mechanism that reacts instantly to any difficult outward manifestation and closes the soul for a long time.
Love hates sin but loves the sinner.
But I can also become a person whose behavior wounds weak people and becomes a stumbling block or a source of offense to them. And this is a great evil.
I know what it means to take offense. I myself lived this way for many years, so I understand how resentment works from within, destroying happiness and life itself. God set me free from this sin, and now I do not even understand how I could have lived in it when there are so many other ways to resolve my questions and problems. When you love, you regard every attack against you as a test of whether you will respond with love or not. Why close yourself off? Why take offense at those who are teaching you to love genuinely?
Love bears all things with love, although trials sometimes bring much pain and suffering. Yet they do not kill me; they make me stronger and more steadfast in my trust in Jesus.
When Christ drank the bitter cup for all sinners, He had good reason to take offense at all of us, but He chose another path. He decided to save us because He loves us so deeply. Through His forgiveness and His message that we know not what we do, Jesus gave us hope and revealed the true character of love.
Love loves at all times, and it is very diverse in the way it manifests itself, although it has one source called agape.
Homework 54
Please read Matthew 6:14–15; Psalm 102:7; and Luke 7:47, and consider these passages in the light of our lesson. Did you receive any revelations while studying this subject? Please share them. What did you understand from this lesson? Why is taking offense a sin? How can I determine whether I harbor resentment toward my neighbors? How should you behave toward those who are offended with you?