Every human being was created to love and to be loved. This law is built into human nature, and it is precisely in such an environment that all the beautiful qualities of the soul and hidden talents, which are abundantly present in each of us, can be revealed and developed.
But every child is born without knowledge or wisdom and needs someone who will teach them good things and good manners, who will provide a good example to follow, and who will be their mentor and teacher during their early years. This responsibility is entrusted to parents, who are the primary shapers of their child’s habits, tastes, interests, and knowledge, forming the character that will accompany that person throughout the rest of their life.
The purpose of upbringing in every large family is to teach children to love one another from a pure heart and a good conscience, while having sincere faith in Jesus. 1 Timothy 1:5.
The age difference between children can significantly simplify the teaching process or make it more interesting. Younger children naturally tend to obey older children and imitate them in many ways. However, being younger does not deprive them of their sense of dignity, and if they possess leadership qualities, they may very skillfully take the initiative and guide their more accommodating older siblings.
It is not difficult for parents to recognize the qualities of each child and guide their children according to their individual inclinations. Teaching love has its own individual characteristics and its own principles, which apply in every family and are understood by every member.
1. The personal example of parents in their love for each other and for their children is the best illustration for every child of the behavior expected of them. It is the father and mother who teach their children mutual love and, in doing so, demonstrate the love of the Heavenly Father to their young pupils, receiving wisdom from above to instruct them in righteousness.
Teach them that God is love, and that your love for your children is a manifestation of the Heavenly Father’s love for them through you.
2. Respect for each child’s feelings, opinions, and boundaries on the part of parents inspires respect in return and teaches children to demonstrate these same qualities toward one another. The self-restraint and attentiveness of parents, and their ability to listen calmly to each child, provide an example of how children should treat others.
3. A positive spirit, joyful communication, friendliness, kind words, and optimism—all these create a heavenly atmosphere in the family, where not only every family member but also the heavenly angels find it pleasant to be. These angels also actively participate in our happiness and help us raise citizens for the Kingdom of Heaven.
4. Spiritual instruction that loving one another is God’s commandment, which must be obeyed, lays a firm foundation in every child’s heart and helps them build their house of relationships with the surrounding world, a house that will withstand the storms and hardships that will soon come.
5. The absence of criticism, gossip, faultfinding, and disagreements. Such a spirit is contagious and very quickly destroys good relationships. Remove all external influences that may introduce this evil, and carefully watch what you and your children say, replacing negative expressions with those that build up love and friendship.
6. Children naturally quarrel and argue over all kinds of little things. They can often resolve these matters quickly on their own, but when a conflict escalates or shows signs of becoming worse, parents need to intervene and determine how everything can be brought to forgiveness, compromise, and an understanding of the other person’s needs.
It is best to teach children to forgive one another before they quarrel, so that you can later remind them of these lessons. If someone is unable to make concessions immediately and continues behaving wildly, that child should be isolated in a separate room, explaining that your family welcomes relationships based on friendliness and forgiveness, while those who violate these principles will live in isolation and loneliness.
Try to find a solution to every conflict between children without punishing those responsible. Clearly explain what each offender has done wrong and, if possible, work together to find a way out of the situation.
7. Reading and discussing stories about love and friendship teaches children to demonstrate the same spirit in their own relationships. It is important for each child to express what they have understood and what principles have become clear to them. At the same time, parents should skillfully guide their children’s thinking in the right direction.
8. Encouraging acts of kindness and love is a powerful motivation for every family member. When a mother joyfully tells the father, who has returned home from work, how many good things his children have done, such a testimony inspires young minds to further deeds of love and encourages children’s hearts to diligently repeat good actions.
9. Family traditions, such as preparing for an upcoming birthday, should involve every family member. Parents should raise the question of how each person in the family can best demonstrate their love and do something for the happiness of the person in whose honor the celebration is being held.
You can also establish your own special dates for celebrations of love, during which all the children can share their experiences of how to love one another better.
10. Encourage children to talk about love, reflect on it, take turns teaching it to others, and explain its principles. Learn Bible verses about loving one another together with them, and ask them to give others instruction based on these verses.
11. Create situations in which children can help and support one another. Let every child experience both the role of someone who gives help and the role of someone who receives it.
12. Teach children to rejoice in the successes and victories of others, so that in games and various activities they see one another not as rivals or competitors, but as allies or mentors. Teach them to congratulate wholeheartedly and rejoice for the person who has defeated them in a game or given better answers.
13. Teach children to share with one another everything that brings them joy, everything they find delicious, and everything they value. Develop and encourage in them a spirit of self-sacrifice and concern for the needs of others, forgetting about themselves. Do not scold children for excessive generosity, even if, in a moment of greatheartedness, they begin giving away your belongings. You can calmly retrieve those things without unnecessary emotion if they were given to people you know. However, children should also be taught wisdom and good judgment in giving.
Let children always remember that it is more blessed to give than to receive. Acts 20:35.
14. Impress upon children that they are one family, that the family is an institution established by God, and that a united family is a special strength and influence in the world. Let them understand that they are members of this union and that it must be unbreakable and strong, with each member called to contribute in their own way to the common happiness and well-being, and to provide support during trials or misfortune. Instill in them love for the family as a single whole.
15. Teach children to pray for one another, for the personal needs of others, and for their success and prosperity, and then rejoice together over the answers received. Encourage children to pray privately for their brothers and sisters in their personal communion with God. Also let them understand that you always pray for them when they are away from home and beyond your sight.
16. Call upon God’s power every day to raise your children in love for one another. Buy from the Faithful Witness in Revelation 3:18 gold refined in the fire, so that you yourselves may become rich and may also enrich your children with it. Clothe yourselves in the white garments of Christ’s character and obtain the eye salve of heavenly wisdom, so that you can then share all these things with your children.
17. Teach children always to choose love in difficult situations and to ask for it from above when they have no desire to love at all. Practice with them how these prayers to God should sound, repeating these exercises again and again, even when everything is going well. And during a quarrel or conflict, remind them what they should do when they find themselves in such a situation.
18. Teach children not to be afraid to love, and tell them how Jesus loved His disciples, how people responded to His love, and what they did to Him because He loved the whole world. Explain that this is the only way to overcome every evil in their lives, and that love is a weapon of victory.
19. Help children understand that love for one another also extends to relationships between parents and children. Make a covenant with them to love one another no matter what. Constantly remind them of your love and ask them to tell you how they feel about you as well.
20. When teaching love for one another, explain that this is a two-way commandment and that love between brothers and sisters must be mutual and sincere. Teach them to tell one another about their love, about their experiences within that love, about what they feel and what they think when they love one another. If you have three or more children, let their mutual love include every one of them, so that no one in your family is left without love.
21. Practice together with your children identifying good qualities of character and behavior in one another and in new people they meet. Teach them to be attentive in this matter and to notice the beautiful qualities that every person possesses. And once they have learned this, continually help them practice the ability to see what is beautiful in people and to express it in words.
22. Organize competitions in which family members exchange kind words and compliments, so that children continually enrich their vocabulary with such expressions and are not embarrassed to share them with people outside the family.
23. Teach children to be friendly in every social setting and not to be ashamed of loving one another, even when other children begin to ridicule them for it. Let their love for one another be known to everyone, and there is no reason to hide it or be afraid of it. Explain that outside your home many people do not know how to love and do not understand what love is. Therefore, they will often be surprised by and attack those who possess this love.
Before your children encounter such opposition in the world, act out similar situations with them at home and teach them how to behave, what they should say in response, and when it is necessary simply to remain silent and quietly pray for God’s help and protection.
24. When you see that your children have learned to love one another, teach them to include their friends from the world in this love and to teach those friends to love one another, demonstrating how it works in their own family. Let every young guest in your home personally experience the heavenly atmosphere that reigns in your relationships. Love your children’s friends and tell them so. Let your home become a place where they, too, can encounter Christ through you and experience the touch of His love that has passed through your heart.
25. Believe that all things are possible to the one who believes. Even if nothing seems to work at first, do not give up, but continue sowing love. This ability must pass through fiery trials together with you so that it may stand before Heaven in its pure form. Do not worry if everything does not immediately work out as well as described in these lessons. Every good seed needs time and constant care to germinate and produce an abundant harvest.
26. Discuss family matters with your children, including plans for the future, who can take responsibility for different duties, and the best way to act in various situations. Let children feel and see themselves as full members of the family, whose opinions matter to everyone and where each person can share with others whatever they consider important.
27. Teach that your mutual friendship and the children’s love for one another are forever, and that this love should remain constant and unchanging.
28. If you live together with your parents, they too should become recipients of your love and the love of your children. Indeed, all your other relatives should also receive the blessings of God’s love and friendship that you share.
29. If several generations happen to live under one roof, remember that you are responsible only for yourselves and your young children, whom the Lord requires you to teach good habits until they become self-sufficient and independent.
All foster or adopted children also come under the authority of their parents until a certain age, and spouses must raise these children with the same responsibility as they raise their own.
30. Teach children to understand the feelings and emotions of another person. Ask them to imagine themselves in the place of an offended or sad child, and ask how they should act in that situation. Explain the pain that others may experience when someone begins to hit or mistreat them.
31. Respect the personal space and individual choices of every child. Children must also be taught this respect. Each of them should have something that belongs only to them, which no one may enter or access without their permission, whether it is a private room, a place in a wardrobe, or a treasure box. However, this personal place or space must always be kept tidy and must not interfere with the lives of others.
Likewise, every child may have their own personal emotional space, which should not be entered without their permission.
32. Memories of past years, family photo albums or video recordings, and discussions of past experiences, victories, and failures help children appreciate their present relationships and unite the family with closer bonds of love. Remembering the good things of the past strengthens emotional connections and helps them experience similar goodness in the future.
33. Teach children to write letters of love to you and to one another, and do not be sparing in writing letters expressing your own love for your children. Let them learn to express their feelings not only in words spoken aloud, but also on paper. Remember that many years later, these words of love will have the same influence that was placed in them when they were written, and they will continue to demonstrate the same power that was invested in them. For words of love are God’s words, which accomplish the purpose for which they are sent. The Bible and everything written in it confirm this truth.
Preserve your love for your children in writing, and believe that the depth of these words will become even more understandable to your children many, many years later.
34. Organize evenings of thanksgiving, when everyone can express their gratitude to everyone else for all that has been experienced during the past few days. Reflect together on what has happened, and do not forget to thank God for everything as well. Let this become a family tradition. Parents should decide how often these gatherings are held.
Questions for Reflection on This Chapter
1. Please read 1 John 3:18; 4:18; Ephesians 4:32; 1 Thessalonians 5:11; 1 Corinthians 6:14; 13:13; Hebrews 12:12; Colossians 3:12–15; 2 Corinthians 13:11; James 1:17; 2 John 1:6; Romans 13:10 in light of this chapter.
2. What other Bible verses have come to your mind?
3. What have you understood from this chapter?
4. What other methods of teaching love do you know?
5. How can the age difference between children influence the process of teaching love?
6. What influence does parents’ respect for their children’s feelings and opinions have?
7. What elements create a “heavenly atmosphere” in the family?
8. Why is spiritual instruction about loving one another as God’s commandment important?
9. What else needs to be removed from the family atmosphere in order to preserve good relationships?
10. How should parents act when children quarrel?
11. Why is it important to read and discuss stories about love and friendship with children?
12. What role does encouraging acts of love play in the family?
13. How do family traditions help develop love among family members?
14. Why is it important to encourage children to speak about love and reflect on it?