Marriage is a great mystery of God’s design for humanity, which is very difficult to explain in words but very easy to create in reality. By God’s will, man and woman were designed and created for each other so that through the marriage union they might become one flesh.
The family and the Sabbath are what the Lord gave humanity even before the Fall, and they are what people carried with them out of Eden. And it is precisely these institutions of God that face the fiercest attacks from the enemy of the human soul. For if he succeeds in destroying them, unhappiness will become the lot of all people.
Marriage should be entered into only between a man and a woman who share the same faith. By uniting in such a covenant, Christians assume obligations not only to each other and to society, but also to God. The family is the fullness of the Divine character manifested in the characters of man and woman. And when they harmoniously unite into one whole, they become a complete human being. The family is the environment in which God’s image is restored in people through their care for one another. And God’s agape love becomes the Heavenly glue that binds two selfish people into one friendly enterprise.
I believe that marriage and family are the Lord’s design. Through such a union, God desires to show and reveal to people the kind of relationship that exists among the Heavenly Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
The family has a powerful influence on a person’s happiness, but it cannot be the foundation of that happiness, nor does it even belong to the building materials, for it depends on wholeness and unity. But when the union collapses because of death, a breakdown in the relationship, hatred, or divorce, the happiness that was laid in the foundation of this little house perishes with it. Although the family is not the foundation of happiness, it nevertheless becomes the very place where happiness is born, where its strength is tested, where it is tried, passes through the fire of criticism, and takes on visible form. Marriage is one of the best and most important elements filling the little house of happiness, and it also contains elements of love and friendship.
Romantic love draws a man and a woman to each other. They become friends, decide to start a family, and after several years, having passed through the process of adjusting to one another and the struggle for power, and having understood their rights and responsibilities, they begin to love each other, which opens the way for them to earthly happiness.
Unfortunately, in our time the concept of family has been distorted, and if there is no love, then for many such a union becomes hell and endless torment from which there is no escape. Even divorce does not solve this problem. When a relationship breaks down, everyone suffers, especially the children. Divorce is not God’s will.
God desires to see happy families bound by close ties of love to one another and to Heaven, in order to reveal to the world the beauty of the gospel and the true splendor of Heavenly relationships. But the enemy of the soul seeks to distort this.
Unfortunately, many allow Satan to sow in their families unrestrained passions, violence, evil lust, perversions, a dictatorial spirit, hostility, jealousy, and other things that very quickly destroy happiness and make life meaningless. A person then dreams of death as the only way out of this nightmare. But even if all this does happen, it does not mean that people should not start families and risk their freedom and independence. The family is a protection against many temptations. It is an opportunity to learn to think about the happiness of one’s neighbor. It is a grave for the self, where the concept of “we” is resurrected. Caring for one another forms positive character traits that can later be applied very successfully in relation to other people as well.
Raising children gives us an example of how God relates to us and with what tenderness He cares for all our needs, desiring to instill eternal values in us. The mystery of a new person’s coming into the world is an exact illustration of the spiritual birth of a soul for Eternal life. The stages of a child’s growth and development show us how our spiritual person is perfected through faith in God. A family is created forever so that in this union of two hearts people may draw closer to one another, come to know the essence of their spouse, and understand themselves as loving individuals.
I often ask married people, or those who desire to marry, how they understand the purpose of starting a family. And in response I hear anything and everything except a true understanding of the meaning of such a relationship.
And what do you think? What is the meaning and purpose of your family, if you have one or are planning to have one? Not to be alone. To have children. To build a house. To carry out a ministry. To survive in this world. To avoid sexual immorality. To receive physical pleasure. To keep life from being boring. To have someone serve you and prepare your food. And so forth. Families are started with such plans. And it is no wonder that problems come and everything begins to fall apart.
But the true purpose of starting a family is to come to know each other more closely and, through this knowledge, to discover oneself as well. If this does not happen, it is difficult to give meaning to something that is a result rather than a foundation.
Look at the purpose of Eternal life:
John 17:3: “And this is life eternal, that they might know Thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, Whom Thou hast sent.” What is this speaking about? It is about coming to know one’s Heavenly Spouse. This will continue throughout Eternity. Does such a prospect bring you joy? Where this knowledge is absent, darkness and death appear.
The same is true in relationships. If I do not know the one with whom I live, then our life turns into a succession of rights and responsibilities. And making provision for the flesh becomes lust.
But we were created in God’s image, and God desires to restore His likeness in us and in our relationships. If my wife chooses a different path in life, that is no reason to leave her. Even in such circumstances, I can build happiness upon what I have. And my happiness does not depend on my spouse if it has the right foundation and strong materials. An unbelieving wife continually tests my strength so that it may be revealed how faithful I am to the principles of love and friendship. No counterfeit will withstand such uncompromising trials.
If we do not desire to be changed together into God’s image and likeness, then I will steadfastly do this alone so that Jesus may be reflected in me. If I become an enemy and a scoundrel to my life companion because she has decided to see me that way, I will nevertheless continue to care tenderly for her and think about her happiness until death separates us. After all, I promised this to her and to God. Agape love, even when it is one-sided, changes a great deal in a relationship. And one must be very blind and foolish to reject or leave someone who sincerely loves you and cares for your needs. Through the example of our families, we understand how much pain and suffering God endures when He sees the backs of those who do not respond to His love but go away to perdition. What can be done for someone who has chosen the right to die? Only to continue caring for him, hoping that he will come to his senses.
Love does not seek its own, but establishes a strong bond in a relationship and pours its tender streams through this channel in various manifestations, beginning with kind thoughts that pass into words and deeds.
And in order to become one whole with each other, it is necessary to leave father and mother and cleave in soul to God and to one’s spouse, so that in this union of two hearts God’s masterpiece called “Family” may be created.
Questions for Reflection
Please read Genesis 2:18–25; Exodus 20:12; Deuteronomy 6:5–9; Proverbs 22:6; Malachi 4:5–6; Matthew 5:31–32; 19:3–9, 12; Mark 10:11–12; John 2:1–11; 1 Corinthians 7:7, 10–11; 2 Corinthians 6:14; Ephesians 5:21–33; 6:1–4 in the light of this chapter. What did you understand from this chapter? Why can the family not be the foundation of happiness? If the family is not the foundation of happiness, is it worthwhile for a single person to start one? Can children, or their health and cheerfulness, be the foundation of happiness? Why do only two persons of opposite sexes become a complete human being when they start a family, while separately they are only a man and a woman? Does God have feminine characteristics within Himself as well? Does God understand women? Why is it so important to believe that family and marriage are God’s institution for humanity? Is common-law marriage God’s plan for our time, or is it something else? Why is divorce not the best solution to family problems? How do you understand the purpose of starting a family? Does this agree with the material in this chapter?