The very first person whom life brought me together with is my mom. I knew her even before my birth. Her voice, manner of speaking, her mood — all of this was familiar to me from the very moment when my mind began to form, and when my hearing began to distinguish sounds. I grew in a small dark world, knowing no worries, and my mom sometimes spoke with me, tenderly stroking me through the walls of her belly. This affectionate attitude was imprinted in my consciousness, and I liked it very much. It created the impression that through mom's lips the Creator Himself was conversing with me. I don't know Him personally, but I think He is very much like my mom.
Very often I heard my father's voice. Sometimes he spoke tenderly with me, and I would joyfully kick with my little legs against the walls of my cozy world. But sometimes dad was very rough and spoke sharply about something with mom, and she would cry afterward. When mom's voice changed, and she tried to tell dad something while shouting, I would freeze from fear and anxiously wait to see how it would end. Mom's mood was transmitted to me, and I tried to understand what kind of place I had ended up in. What strange world was surrounding me? Why couldn't my closest and dearest people communicate tenderly, but instead created unnecessary noise, from which they themselves would later suffer?
But when mom began to speak with me, her voice would always calm down, and she would gradually switch to a tender tone, and her hands would stroke my little world, transmitting to me all the beauty of her affectionate touches. I understood that not everything was so scary, and any conflict would still lead everyone to peace. Then why conflict at all?
But one day something very unpleasant happened. My world began to squeeze me and, accompanied by mom's moans and cries, pushed my body out into the unknown. Bright light blinded me, someone's hands pulled me further toward the unknown, cold room air pierced my body. The water world in which I was accustomed to enjoying life and living left me forever, and my chest compressed from such stress, letting air in from outside. How much I disliked all of this!!! And I decided to express my protest to the entire environment with the only cry I was capable of, which caused universal joy. Some lady cut my only source of nutrition, clamping it with a clip, and carried me to bathe. The warm water reminded me of my small cozy world, and I decided that I would continue to live this way, but they pulled me out again into the cold air and, wrapping me in some cloth, carried me to mom.
Mom's hands tenderly pressed me to her chest, and her familiar voice calmed me. And I decided that if mom was nearby, then not everything was so bad. My lips were brought to mom's chest, and I immediately understood what I needed to do with this. I saw that I needed to suck this, and I began to apply all my strength to squeeze something out of mom. It was so interesting to extract food for myself amid general joy. Although I received almost nothing, I really liked eating mom, and I decided to continue this activity later.
My eyes were tired from all the events, and I wanted to rest a little. How pleasant it was to disconnect from this strange world in mom's cozy arms.
They put me in a stroller and took me to a dark room, giving mom a chance to rest from all the events that had occurred. How pleasant my first earthly sleep was! My little nose inhaled strange air that contained all kinds of smells. My little ears heard everything that was happening around, while I slept sweetly, gathering strength for life in this world.
I was awakened by mom's tender touches. I opened one eye and began to examine my mommy. How beautiful she is! And she looked at me with fear, trying to understand whether I could see with the other eye. I decided to examine her better from another angle, which brought mom enormous joy, and she tenderly pressed me to her chest and began to tell me something. I didn't yet understand all her words, but tried to remember them and learn them by heart. Stroking me on the body and head, mom brought me to her chest and tenderly pressed my lips to her body. I remembered my first breakfast and immediately began trying to get something for lunch too. Unfortunately, lunch was very meager, but I really liked the process itself of obtaining food this way, and I decided to repeat it later. I discovered in mom a source of life and living water, which made her very happy.
Each time this source became tastier and more abundant. And while I extracted useful resources from mom's soft depths, she tenderly stroked my hair and told me something in a quiet voice. And I, receiving pleasure from the work done, would fall asleep to the sound of her speech.
Her intonation, voice timbre, manner of speaking — all of this formed the image of love in my mind. I understood that I was born into this world to love and be loved, and decided I must definitely learn this. Soon my dad came. I recognized him by his voice. He tenderly took me in his arms, pressed me to himself and began to examine me. And I kept waiting for him to give me his chest so I could find a source of nutrition in him too. But he gave me nothing, and instead of a chest stuck a pacifier in my mouth, which created an illusion of something pleasant and useful. I looked at dad and studied his face, trying to understand how he could produce such different sounds with it.
For some reason my diapers got wet very often and mom always changed them for dry ones, sometimes wrinkling her nose from the unpleasant smell. She never scolded me when I gave her a signal that I was uncomfortable lying in wet clothes.
I remembered my first lessons of mom's love for my entire life. They were saturated with the tenderness of her hands, her quiet calm voice, careful touches and the soft timbre of her address to me. I never saw God, but they told me a lot about Him later. I think His voice is just as soft and pleasant as mom's, and He knows how to speak with me just as tenderly, and I wouldn't confuse the touch of His loving hands with anything else. He is called the Heavenly Father, but He is very similar in His tenderness to mom. I always look for this voice of love in people, but for some reason they are often very rough and don't let God manifest Himself through them.
They tell me that God doesn't exist, but I met Him in the person of my mom. No one has heard Him! But I hear His voice in the affectionate and tender manner of conversation of my parents. No one has seen Him! But I see Him in a sincere smile, in joy from my presence, in the pleasant rustle of nature and the quiet breeze of wind. God often touches me with His invisible loving hands and carries me, protecting me from the bad weather of this world.
But the older I get, the quieter this voice becomes, and then it falls completely silent. Not because God left, but because I found a replacement for Him and let into my life that which brings no peace, but stirs up my nerves.
With age I forever lost God and allowed my heart to harden, but the Lord found me and already addressed me through my mind. I recognized this voice and believed, but already with my mind, that God exists and loves me, wanting to save me. The teaching of the Bible convinced me that salvation is given only by faith in Christ. I accepted this plan. But my heart yearns for God, who is like mom.
Mom has also changed over the years, and her voice is no longer so tender, and she's not at all the same anymore. But I remember her first lessons of love and expect this from my neighbors.
Biblical verses for reflection
Jer.31:20; Is.46:3-4; 49:15-16; 66:9-14; Ps.130:1-3; 138:13-16; Mark.10:13-16; Luke.18:15-17; Lev.19:3; Ex.20:12; 1Kings.19:11-12; Prov.15:20; 19:26; 20:20; 23:22-25; 28:24; Rev.12:1-6.