Family and children are a special blessing for any woman. Every girl from childhood plays games with dolls, imitating her care for future offspring.
When a woman finds a guy after her heart, then all her thoughts switch to him, and when getting married, she cannot imagine that if they have children, this could become the reason for their divorce. But unfortunately, this happens. And the problem is not in the child, but in the fact that some mothers bring themselves to such extremes in their motherhood that everything that can be destroyed is destroyed.
Maternal hyper-responsibility is when a mother forgets about everything in the world and takes upon herself excessive care for her child, for his health, for his upbringing and future success. This can be expressed both in complete dedication of all her time to her child, and in strong emotional attachment, where the mother stops noticing her needs and forgets about her personal life, and lives the child's life, believing that this is her duty before God and society, and that if she is distracted from this mission, the child's life will be destroyed, and troubles cannot be avoided. And if you add to this the imaginary anger of an offended God, then such mothers become very pitiful.
Not to paint too dark a picture, I will say that such an attitude toward children is not so common and may be at different stages of development. Such hyper-responsibility is not born suddenly from nothing, suddenly depriving a sensible person of reason. But this or that information from friends, acquaintances, or "unfortunate specialists" in this area can sow a bad seed and inspire an inexperienced girl with something that would never have occurred to her herself.
Jesus once expressed His indignation at such "counselors." We read in Luke 11:46: "And woe to you lawyers also! For you load men with burdens hard to bear, and you yourselves do not touch the burdens with one of your fingers."
Someone can prove to an inexperienced woman that motherhood is absolute sacrifice. But it also happens that a young mother suddenly decides for herself that the child is the meaning of her life, and begins to live only for him, building her relationships so that the child cannot do anything without the mother's knowledge or consent.
How can hyper-responsibility be identified: — Guilt for any childhood problems and for not devoting enough time to upbringing; — Anxiety about the child's future, that he will be ill-mannered or deprived; — Distrust in caring for or raising the child in relation to any close relatives or even the husband; — Disagreement with anyone's opinion except one's own correct one; — Ignoring one's personal needs and interests in favor of the child; — Absence of personal life and interests, apart from caring for children; — Excessive control over any daily activities of the child.
Such an attitude toward children may not begin with all signs at once, but one extreme smoothly creates a transition to another.
It is possible that somewhere in consciousness such a mother anticipates future gratitude from her child for the fact that she devoted all of herself to raising a worthy member of society. But children by their nature are the most ungrateful people toward their parents, not understanding why they need to thank parents for what they were not asked to do or what they did out of love for children.
The father as head of the family also wants to participate in raising the child, but he is simply not allowed to do so, and any attempt to offer his model of behavior is nipped in the bud. The same attitude can extend to grandmothers and grandfathers. As a result, marital relations are destroyed or become dry and strained, and the mother becomes like a tigress protecting her offspring from surrounding people. Her quality of life decreases, and there is less and less joy.
Emotional burnout of the mother becomes an inevitable factor of excessive responsibility.
God places responsibility on parents for raising children and will ask where are those children who were entrusted to father and mother, but He does not place hyper-responsibility on the mother and does not call her to make an idol out of the child and serve him from morning to evening. In giving us children, the Lord wants to give us wisdom in their upbringing, and if someone decides to have his own opinion on how to raise children, it is difficult to give such a person something useful.
As a result of excessive maternal care, the child grows up with direct dependence on the mother's opinion and is unable to make independent decisions and take responsibility for his behavior. And having reached adult life, he involuntarily takes his mother's model of relationship into his family, manifesting the same spirit toward his future offspring. It will also be difficult for him to build relationships with other people. He will not have confidence in his abilities. He will lack motivation and leadership abilities. It will be difficult for him to achieve something in life.
What can emotional burnout in her family lead a woman to? To the fact that her "love" for the child will be replaced by rejection. Her self-esteem will be at the lowest level. There is no talk of personal life. Everything in life will become dark and gray, and everyone bad and unbearable.
Is there an alternative to excessive responsibility?
The mother's task is to teach the child good and proper manners, directing his gaze to God. The world of living beings is built so that the older care for the younger until the latter become independent and can take care of themselves, so that then they can take care of others. A wise mother teaches the child to be independent, not dependent on her.
Raising children should not cause anxiety and worry about the future. That child whom you are called to love will not tire or annoy you. The best approach in raising children is love for them and joy in them. A person will never get tired of someone he loves. Love places responsibility on us, but does not bring it to extremes.
I enjoy doing what I like. Raising children is very interesting, fun, and not difficult when you love them with all your soul and understand that they can respond to you in the same way.
There is no fear in love. It respects the freedom of little people but knows how to set the right life direction for them.
Even if the mother has physical or emotional fatigue in caring for children, her love for them and prayer to God replenish strength and give joy for each day.
The ability to cast all cares upon Jesus removes from the mother's shoulders the unbearable burden of many fears and troubles. The Savior gladly takes upon Himself many tasks of upbringing and gladly participates in the process of forming the child's character, giving his parents new revelations and blessing maternal labor.
Mistakes in raising children cannot be avoided, but love covers all and endures all. And sometimes it is worth letting the child make mistakes himself and independently seek solutions to problems.
God gives us children to raise, but by this He does not chain us in shackles, but teaches us to rejoice and keeps in our memory many wonderful memories from the life of a growing little person.
Questions for Reflection
Please read 1 Pet. 5:7; Prov. 14:1; Phil. 4:6-8; Matt. 6:31-34; 11:28-30; 2 Cor. 3:17; 1 John 4:18; Eccl. 7:6; 11:4; 1 Cor. 6:12; Ps. 54:23, in light of this lesson. What other verses from the Bible came to your mind? What did you understand from this lesson? What is hyper-responsibility of a mother? Why do some women take excessive responsibility for their children? How can a mother's hyper-responsibility affect marital relationships? Why is it important to trust other family members in raising a child and entrust your children to their hands? How are love and responsibility connected in raising children? Why is it important to teach a child independence? Why is it important to maintain personal life and personal interests when raising children? Why should feelings of guilt or fear not accompany the process of upbringing? How to find balance between responsibility and excessive care? What signs indicate the beginning of emotional burnout in a mother? What other extremes in raising children do you know?