Children are small people born into this world to learn everything that is customary to do in this world and how it is customary to live. They absorb everything they come into contact with, what they see and hear, what they study and learn. The task of parents includes teaching these small beings, caring for them and their needs, raising them within certain frameworks and boundaries until the age when they become independent and can take care of themselves and their environment.
Children are intelligent beings who have their own will, their own analytical mindset, their own life approach to many life situations. Since no responsibility is placed on them, they are not prone to stress and worries about many issues. But parents should understand that when dealing with a thinking person, they are dealing with a child who still thinks childishly and understands everything in a childish way.
Many childhood mistakes may seem to adults like intentional rebellion or malicious sin, and a corresponding reaction of parents arises, in which they put forward serious demands to their child, believing that they are smart enough not to unconsciously do such things. But if a child is small, then for them many expectations of adults are not justified, and they simply cannot understand what is wanted from them.
The call to behave well sounds understandable, but the little one does not understand why daddy's "good" is better than their "good," and tries to please with all their might, and in response hears shouting and threats of punishment.
For example, a five-year-old son was left at home as the one in charge, and he decided to wash the floor in the house to please his parents with cleanliness. Without thinking long and consulting with his younger sister, the young cleaner decided to pour several buckets of water and a bottle of cleaning agent onto the parquet. He tried with all his heart, and not one corner remained unwashed. The sister ran around the apartment with a mop, rejoicing at how everything shone, and anticipating the happiness of the parents. The motive of these young creatures was most beautiful, but the result of their labor did not please mom very much and horrified dad with the swollen floor. We can imagine the continuation of such "cleaning," but the motive was beautiful.
All parents, one way or another, will experience something similar, and here it is important to prepare your heart in advance to be slow to words of condemnation or anger. If you are an emotional person and an explosion of emotions in you can get out of control, then try to arrange it so that no one suffers from the fragments of your indignation and is not disappointed in their "disservice" from a pure heart. If you punish the innocent culprits of such an incident or decide to conduct an explanatory conversation, you will still have to bear material losses. But try to ensure that your relationships with children remain trusting, friendly and whole. This is very difficult, but remember that something can be destroyed and broken much faster than built and created. This does not require intelligence and wisdom.
In many countries there are laws that impose material and legal responsibility on parents for inadequate behavior of their children. And if you take a similar situation and consider it within the framework of law, then parents who left their children without supervision will be considered guilty of causing damage. But in their own eyes parents are always right or can blame each other for oversight, which can destroy good marital relationships.
Parents need to distinguish those motives and actions of children that are done out of immaturity from those that are committed by internal inclination toward evil. If sinful motives are traced in a child, then parents need to take urgent measures to eradicate such a spirit. But when a child invests the best motives and in the end gets a sad result, then with all my sympathy for parents I want to wish them to grit their teeth, smile and inwardly pray for wisdom from above and a way out of the current situation.
Let us give an opposite situation as an example. Mom asked her son to wash the floor while she went to the store. The son reluctantly left his games and, muttering to himself, took up cleaning the house, complaining to all household members about a difficult childhood and cruel exploitation of child labor. In the end, the cleaning was done in the best way. The mother, entering the house, was very glad for the clean floors and wiped dust. A part of routine work was taken off her, for which she thanked the displeased son. In the evening, coming home, father also praised the young helper, rejoicing at how skillfully the son copes with such work. And the motive with which this work was performed interested few people.
The motive in one matter or another, like the action, has the ability to take root in the child's consciousness and become their habit. Correcting evil motives to good ones happens much more difficultly and longer than vice versa.
If the most decent child is placed in bad company, then after some time they too will become bad. And if a bad child is placed in a good collective, then it is quite possible that this good collective will learn many bad things, and the evil child will not become kinder. For good changes in the heart, a good environment is not always effective, but conversion will inevitably occur under the influence of good mentors who, understanding whom they are dealing with, will apply all efforts, all their wisdom and all their authority to wean a spoiled child from doing evil and teach them to love good things and principles.
Parents are given authority from God to create from children entrusted to them what they want or decide to have in their home, and as a rule, children are inclined to obey strict parents.
But a good result from under the stick or with a bad motive is not good fruit in the eyes of Heaven. Just as a good result with a good motive, but contradicting God's will and principles, is not the path of good.
The tree of knowledge of good and evil has a good word in its name, but one who tastes from it is doomed to death.
Jesus taught that those who know the truth will become truly free (John 8:32). And in this knowledge of truth spouses find wisdom from above. And if mutual love of parents is added to this knowledge, then they will naturally pass these knowledge and skills to their children both through personal example of relationships and through wise influence in meek and strict instruction.
Children, as a rule, consider it fair when loving parents reveal their wrong motives and begin to instruct them on the true path with correct thinking. But how painful it is for them to experience that their correct motives are trampled into mud with shouting and punished for what they did wrong or produced a bad result out of all their sincere love!
Having a child is a very expensive matter that can become excessively expensive if there is no parental control over this miracle. But despite all this, we want to have these expensive children, and they become so valuable to us that the question of their value is not even considered. They are infinitely dear and irreplaceable for every father and mother.
And let your attitude toward the child's motives in their correct or fruitless behavior be wise and objective.
Questions for Reflection
Please read Ecclesiastes 11:9-10; Jonah 4:11; Numbers 14:18; Proverbs 14:12; 15:1,20; 1 Corinthians 13:4; Psalm 31:8; James 1:20; Ephesians 6:1,4; Hebrews 12:11; in light of this lesson. What other verses from the Bible came to your memory? What did you understand from this lesson? Why is a good result achieved under coercion not good fruit? Galatians 5:22-23. Why is it important to consider children's motives for actions, and not only their result? How to distinguish children's actions committed out of immaturity from actions committed with evil intent? What to do if a child, out of love for you, spoiled your good things? Why is it important to maintain trusting relationships with children even after their misdeeds? Proverbs 4:23. How to find balance between strictness and love in upbringing? Why is it important to be slow to words of condemnation or anger? Why is raising a child an expensive undertaking? How to properly react to children's "disservices"? What to do if evil emotions about a child's behavior overflow your heart? Do you think it will be easier to endure trials of your property being damaged by your children if you prepare for this in advance?