In Soviet times, a cartoon was released for children and adults about how two little mice tried to harm Leopold the cat, and this cat turned all their attacks into peace and friendliness. And even when Leopold lost his temper and decided to punish the hooligans, in the end, he came to peace and made the proposal: "Guys, let's live in friendship!" This phrase became the motto of friendship throughout the country, and it carries within itself a special philosophy, teaching that the strong always have power and enough strength to catch and punish the guilty, but they desire while doing this to live in friendship with everyone and show undeserved mercy to disturbers of peace, manifesting infinite patience and a friendly spirit.
Something similar happens in families where children, by their innate fleshly nature, sometimes do such strange things that they were not taught at home and which bewilder parents so much that they become confused, trying to understand where this came from.
We do not know what forces of evil and temptations our small children encounter in their imagination and in their experiences. They are not taught to distinguish good from evil, and therefore they are prone to commit evil acts without understanding that they are doing evil.
For example, in some families after the birth of the first child follows the appearance of the second, and there is a small age difference between these children, which multiplies parental efforts in their upbringing many times over. The older child is not taught to love their younger relative, and in a surge of feelings incomprehensible to them, they may show inadequacy in behavior and inexplicable cruelty. And they do this not intentionally, but yielding to an internal impulse that they have not yet learned to recognize and control. Therefore, it is the duty of mother and father to keep their children under constant observation and instill in them rules of worthy behavior toward each other.
Children quickly learn what they are constantly instructed in. They remember and assimilate what they often hear and what they periodically do, and this subsequently becomes part of their habit and character. Good and correct manners do not appear in children's nature by themselves. For their development, constant visual example and thoughtful instruction are needed. And this should come from parents and older mentors.
If you do not have trusting relationships with your children, this is the fault of parents, not children. Children do not know how to build trust with adults, but they willingly enter into this when they are given conditions and their natural response to trusting closeness is not ignored.
Many parents, while their children are small, do not even think about whether they have trusting relationships with their children. Adults fulfill their duties of feeding, dressing, walking their offspring. To teach children something and keep them occupied, they buy them many games and toys, put a personal computer or television in their room, give them smartphones, make sure that the little ones are not too noisy in the presence of adults, and then, when a teenager appears in their house, they suddenly wonder where this "monster" came from. And they run for advice "what to do?" to a psychologist, who also cannot fix anything, but tries to explain that their children have entered another phase of development, and this just needs to be survived.
There is good news that at any age you can win your child's trust if you understand what this is, where my mistakes are and what I need to do, and what not to do, following in the right direction. Children are attached to their, even very bad, parents and are ready to forgive and forget much, just to receive what they so lacked in childhood. If parents cannot give children the love that young hearts so need, then children will go looking for it on the street, entrusting themselves to strangers' hands, seeing in each new friend that coveted source of inspiration, and each time being disappointed and experiencing another deception of their expectations.
The world cannot give your children what you have, parents. And the sooner you begin to build this connection, the easier it will be for you and your children to grow and develop in such relationships. And you yourselves will learn much.
In the best scenario, father and mother should have equally trusting relationships with their child, exchanging information received from each other, and the child should know that they have no secrets with mom from dad or with dad from mom. After all, they are one family in which there is trust and mutual respect for each other. Children joyfully accept such rules and naturally develop in such relationships.
If a child asks mother not to tell dad about their misdeed, it is necessary to definitely find out the reason for such fear and explain that this is deception and undermining of trust, which mother cannot go along with. But this works only in those relationships where father also adequately relates to the child's misdeeds, not manifesting a dictatorial spirit.
Study your relationships with children. If there is no trust in them, you will immediately understand and see this. And building these relationships must begin with yourself. But how? Only with God's help.
The Heavenly Father is also our Father and desires to have trusting relationships with us. He, from His side, is the most ideal parent with the wisest approach to us. His love and will are open, and He waits for His prodigal sons and daughters so that when they come to themselves and want to return to Him, He will run to meet them and, having compassion, fall on their neck and kiss them (Luke 15:20). The Lord loves those for whom He gave His beloved Son, to return to Himself what was lost.
God accepts everyone and teaches us good things. He desires to see our families happy and children obedient. He has enough Heavenly gold of love to enrich our families with it.
Be ready for the fact that you will have to face natural childish egoism, with inadequacy in the behavior of little ones, with a rebellious spirit that will sometimes get out of control of the child's will. This is a normal working process that should not be feared. However, you need to be fully armed, ready to meet everything with love and conquer with love.
The call for friendly relationships appeals to all children. Although they are egoists by nature, they are at the same time not against changing and learning something better.
God's way is the best way. Although it may initially cause a storm of protests from young creatures, subsequently, having been taught righteousness, they will be very happy under the protection of God's principles governing their lives. And the proposal to "live in friendship" will always be accepted with joy and eagerness.
Remember that all people, regardless of country of residence and culture, desire to live peacefully, in love and friendship. This program is embedded in every heart, and your children are no exception to this rule. Although the enemy of souls has deceived many, slipping them other values, God's plan will always be a priority when you begin to implement it in your family and in your environment. Children unconsciously wait for those whom they can trust, and you, father and mother, become these people for them, and wonderful prospects of a happy future will open before you.
Questions for Reflection
Please read Matthew 6:14-15; 7:12; 10:22; Ephesians 4:31-32; 5:1-2; Romans 12:8-10; Colossians 3:14; James 1:4; Luke 6:36 in light of this lesson. What other verses from the Bible came to your memory? What did you understand from this lesson? Explain why children may have "inadequacy in behavior" toward younger brothers/sisters. How should parents react to inadequate behavior of children and what needs to be done in this case? Why is it important for parents and children to have trusting relationships? What happens when children do not have trusting relationships with parents? How can parents win their children's trust if there was none before? Why is it important for father and mother to have equally trusting relationships with the child? How can God help parents in building trusting relationships with children? Why are children, despite egoism, still ready to change and learn something better? Explain why "God's way is the best way" in raising children. How can the proposal "Guys, let's live in friendship!" be accepted by children? Why do all people in the world, regardless of country and culture, want to live in peace and friendship?