At the age of sixteen, I crossed the threshold of a church for the first time. As we were walking from vocational school to the subway, my classmates suggested that we go into an Orthodox church and look at the worshipers. I was surprised, because I believed that there were no religious people in our country, but I accepted their suggestion. We studied not far from the Alexander Nevsky Lavra in Leningrad. As I approached the church, I felt afraid of something mysterious, yet I was also curious. A sign on the door said that head coverings had to be removed, and so we took ours off. We had joked a great deal while walking there, but once inside we became serious. Everything seemed very interesting to me. A choir was singing, candles were burning, and some people were making the sign of the cross before the icons. I walked around, examining with interest the church's interior, the clergy's vestments, and the visitors' behavior. I wanted to see the God in Whom I did not believe at that time. I peered at the icons, trying to understand whether God really existed. After that experience, I occasionally went into this church, observed the people there, and listened to the unfamiliar singing. But I remained an atheist who knew nothing about his Creator.
Perestroika came, bringing a spiritual thaw with it. After returning from the army, I decided to become a traditional Orthodox churchgoer. My faith consisted of occasionally entering a church, buying a candle, lighting it, and leaving. I could not even make the sign of the cross. My hand simply would not rise. And I understood absolutely nothing beyond the fact that my mother had had me baptized as an infant and that I was therefore a believer from birth. Yet I did not know what I believed.
At that time, I could not even imagine that I would one day write lessons for believers and tell others about agape love. But God's grace works miracles.
In time, I learned to observe the traditions of the church, but I did not understand their meaning. I knew only one thing: I was a sinner who would burn in the fire. For some reason I believed this, although I had heard nothing about the lake of fire. I worshiped an unknown God without understanding what I was doing or what meaning such a life could have when I was living in sin and enjoying it while my soul trembled with fear. And no one explained anything to me.
But the light of truth came into my life as well, and I accepted it. I discovered the beauty of the Bible, which I had previously read without understanding. Jesus became a living Friend to me, and I began to grow spiritually.
As I came to know the truth, my worship of God also began to change. I started to understand what pleases the Lord and what grieves Him. The beauty of God's law and the joy of obeying His commandments were revealed to me. And I began to realize that the purity of my worship depends directly on my understanding of God's will and my obedience to His law. I studied all of this and compared it with what was taking place in my life.
When I read in the Bible about the holiness of God and of everything dedicated to Him, I always desired to be a special person as well. But I was not born into the tribe of Levi, and this saddened me. Yet the Lord revealed to me that in Christ we all become God's priests and receive the blessing of this calling. And that inspired me.
But despite all my knowledge and spiritual growth, I realized that I lacked agape love. I had friendly relationships with my fellow believers, but those relationships were confined within boundaries that could not be crossed. My heart longed for greater closeness, like that which existed among believers in the first centuries. And I began to ask for what I did not possess and did not understand—this very agape love. The Lord answered in such an extraordinary way that I could not even have imagined anything like it was possible. I will be honest: my whole life was turned upside down. A previously unknown depth of biblical teaching opened before my mind, becoming accessible and understandable to my heart through careful study.
In the light of God's love, the events of the last days also appeared in a completely different light, and many new questions for God arose along with this. But it also became clear that the question of true worship of the Creator will become the decisive factor in the final spiritual battle, in which there will no longer be any neutrality.
True worship rests upon my personal belonging to Christ; upon my understanding of His teaching, which He gave to His people; upon my obedience to this teaching and my living according to its spirit, rather than merely having a formal affiliation; and upon my love for my neighbors and fellow believers. All these elements must be present in my life.
Membership among God's people gives me the privilege of belonging among holy people, but it does not save me from the influence of the world and sin or give me a right to Eternity. But belonging in the spirit of love and obedience to the truth makes me a person who is special and of interest to Heaven. And when I worship the Creator in such a spirit, He accepts my worship and begins to minister to me, endowing me with His Spirit and His gifts so that I may serve others. This does not make me competent in everything, but I receive a blessing from using the gift I have received from the Holy Spirit.
Bible prophecy teaches us that true worship of God will be portrayed as a danger to society and that God's children will be sentenced to death. Like the three young men in Daniel chapter 3, I will have to pass through the fire of this trial and remain faithful.
But in order to be faithful to something, one must understand God's will and possess His armor for the final battle. Blind faith that God will somehow protect me will not help. Even now Jesus rebukes me for being lukewarm and offers me both a way out and that which will become my weapon and protection. And if I do not seek to understand the meaning of the symbols in Revelation 3:18 and do not desire to obtain them, then my entire Christianity will suffer a colossal catastrophe, and my house will collapse.
If God counsels me to buy something, then I need wisdom to do it now instead of waiting like the foolish virgins, who postponed everything until later and consequently arrived too late.
Humanly speaking, I desire to bring everyone into the saving Ark of God's grace and to save everyone for Eternity, and that is what I am doing. But the Bible says that immediately before the Second Coming, everything will enter the final stage of the great controversy between good and evil, and when the door of grace closes, only the chosen will be saved. I cannot count myself among these people, but I can do everything that depends on me and exercise wisdom in studying God's plan for the last days, so that I may become a candidate for the mysterious group of 144,000.
And one day this group will be complete. Love gives me an enormous advantage because it allows God Himself, within my heart, to prepare me for the final trials. And as He gathers the chosen for the final battle, He will not overlook Himself within my heart, but will confirm His love in me with His seal, so that He may never again deprive me of this special privilege of deep inner consecration.
It is very easy to serve the One Whom you love and to worship the One Who lives in your heart when you understand what you are doing and know what is expected of you. But one must thirst for this and ask for it; and after receiving it, one must develop and guard it as the most precious treasure—a treasure that must be shared.
My mind must understand what is happening and examine whether I am on a dangerous path and whether I possess everything the Lord counsels me to have. By my choice today, I decide on which side of the door of grace I will stand when it closes.
Bible verses for this chapter:
John 4:19–24; Romans 6:22; Hebrews 12:14; Revelation 3:14–18; 13:3–4, 8, 15–18; 14:6–12; 19:9–10; 22:8–9; Daniel 3:1–28; Isaiah 66:23; Psalm 29:2; 45:12; 66:4; 95:6–7; 96:9; 132:7; Deuteronomy 4:15–19; 26:8–11