One distinctive feature of building the little house of happiness is that no single building material can be joined only to more of itself to form a solid structure. For example, it is impossible to build the house using love alone, or faith alone, or faithfulness alone, or thirst alone. Their shapes do not allow them to be joined to others of the same kind, but they fit very well and bond securely with a different kind of stone. A special place has been prepared for every brick at the base of the walls—a place that it alone can occupy and nothing else. In some ways, this house resembles the body: no two organs are alike, yet they are all connected and depend on one another.
The next brick in the little house of happiness is called ‘I forgive.’ Please pay special attention to the beginning of this name—to the first word, ‘I.’ Without my participation, this brick is merely a meaningless sound; but with my ‘I,’ it is transformed into a beautiful melody for the soul. We have heard much about forgiveness, yet it remains an unresolved issue for many broken hearts. Forgiving is probably the most difficult decision in the life of a proud person.
This is when ‘waiter’s memory syndrome’ takes over: a person cannot remember those who were honest but remembers in every detail all those who failed to pay their bill. I know someone who remembers every person who has wronged him in detail and is ready to take revenge whenever the opportunity arises. He remembers every evil done to him and gladly serves as the sword of justice in his own cause. What an unhappy person.
Jesus teaches that God’s forgiveness of us is conditional and directly connected with the way I forgive. Forgiving releases me from the burden of offenses and debts and gives God the right to remove from me the burden of sin that He desires to forgive and for which He Himself desires to pay. There is a special wisdom in forgiveness. It is a miracle of God’s mercy.
Imagine the following situation. A man beat, raped, and murdered his victim. He was caught, but he bought his way out of punishment. He lives by deceit and theft and spreads evil around him. Then light came; he accepted it and repented, believed that Jesus saves him, and began to live by that faith. But what about the debts he accumulated throughout his life? How can he restore his victim to life? How can he return what he does not possess? And does he have the right to go on living and to live happily? To many religions, God’s plan of salvation is foolishness and an absence of justice. But God chose the best solution. He took all our debts upon Himself and paid for them with His own life in order to remove that burden from us and simply forgive us. He forgives in such a way that He never remembers our sins again, and He accepts us as though we had never sinned. What power and what wisdom! I tried to find another solution, but I could not. My heart melts before such love, and I understand that I was unclean but now stand clean before the righteous God. Yet He also wants me to experience the same joy of forgiveness by cleansing my memory of the guilt of those who owe me and those who have wronged me. When I forgive and let go, peace enters my heart, and I understand how easy it is to live.
I experienced this in my own life. Even as a believer, I would boil with anger whenever I remembered the person who had done evil to me. Then I simply said concerning him, ‘I forgive,’ and it felt as though a mountain had fallen from my shoulders. I could physically feel how much lighter I became. Soon afterward, the Lord brought to my mind everyone who had wronged me, and I forgave them all for everything. And I believe that the Lord forgave me as well.
Happy people do not harbor offenses. They do not hold grudges; and if they ever do, they quickly lay down that burden and continue living in freedom.
The spirit of unforgiveness contaminates the pure spring of living water within us. It is like a dead dog in a well from which people are invited to drink. Who among you would want to live that way? Yet many people have exactly such a spring and even give all those around them water from it, blaming everyone for everything.
Once I was working outdoors, and not far from us a car ran over a skunk, which began to decay. Whenever the wind blew toward us, the stench was so strong that it was difficult to breathe. I thought about how we sometimes ‘smell’ this way to God when we carry the infection of unforgiveness within us. The saddest part is that we infect others too, seeking sympathy and telling them how we were hurt or treated unfairly.
Families sometimes fall apart simply because people cannot forgive one another and forget. We become historians, ready at every opportunity to recall every bad thing from our spouse’s past that has been recorded in our ‘waiter’s memory.’ And while living under this burden, we wish each other happiness and many years of life.
Happiness has its own laws. I forgive and am released from the debts I owe God when I myself forgive, acknowledge my guilt, and come to the Lord in repentance.
Forgiveness resolves every difficult issue at once and forever. It is profoundly wise, because justice demands retribution, while forgiveness contains love.
But how should we forgive financial debts, especially the debts of those who have no intention of repaying them? There are wonderful words: ‘I forgive.’ Your debtor may hate you, wish you dead, and lose you as a friend and companion, while having neither the ability nor the desire to return what belongs to you. By forgiving him, I free myself from his hatred and gain a chance for a normal relationship in the future. I lose nothing, because I would receive nothing anyway, but I lay down the burden of his debt and hostility. If I tell him that I forgive him, I give him another chance for a better future, and sometimes this can bring a change for the better in his life as well. It is better not to lend; but if you do lend, treat it as a gift, let go of that sum in your mind and heart, and rejoice if it is ever returned. ‘Give, and it shall be given unto you.’
Love knows how to forgive, and it loves to do so. It releases anyone who has caused pain or loss so completely that no trace remains. Unforgiveness, however, is like a rusty lock on the door of my heart whose key has also been lost.
My forgiveness is so important that after Jesus gave us the model prayer, He explained this point further. He declared that if I do not forgive, then my debt before God will not be forgiven either.
The distinctive feature of God’s forgiveness, however, is that the Lord did not simply forgive and forget; He pays my debt with His own life and satisfies the demands of the law through His death. It is important to understand this correctly.
My heart has now grown so accustomed to the purity of forgiveness that any unclean thought of resentment is immediately recognized and rejected with the words, ‘I forgive this too.’
What do I gain by refusing to forgive? I become right about everything, and the whole world becomes indebted to me. What benefit does that bring me? None. Only anger and irritation—and then thoughts of revenge torment me without end. Even the offender’s death does not free me from hatred toward him. And do I intend to live forever with such a spirit? Heaven will never open its doors to people like that.
I forgive. This is a very strong brick in my happiness, and no external factor can damage this material formed by my decision. It will protect me from many troubles. Forgiveness must be present in my structure wherever the Chief Designer has appointed it to be in my little house of happiness.
To forgive brings such freedom of thought and opens such a vast field for love’s work that nothing better can be imagined. Nothing can replace it. It is true happiness and the likeness of God in my character: I forgive just as I have been forgiven.
Bible verses for this chapter:
Matthew 6:12, 14–15; Deuteronomy 15:2; Psalm 103:3; 130:4; Matthew 9:6; 18:21–35; Mark 3:28–29; 4:12; 11:25–26; Luke 7:47; Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:12–13; Hebrews 9:22