Friendship with people includes some painful experiences that cause a great deal of hurt and cannot be avoided or ignored. They are called the loss of friends.
One day, a rich young man who possessed a great estate approached Christ. Jesus loved this young man and invited him to become His disciple. But first, the young man needed to part with certain things. Not many people were granted such a privilege. Yet for some reason, this young businessman went away sorrowful and disappeared forever. We do not even know his name. Jesus watched sadly as the man walked away—a man who could have become His friend and entered history as one of Christ’s followers, leaving everything for His sake and receiving far more even in this life.
If we consider Judas Iscariot, the loss of this friend was extremely painful for all the disciples and for Jesus Himself. The one whom God Himself had chosen to remain near the Savior somehow failed to honor this sacred trust.
Whether I want to or not, I must experience the loss of people who did not even have time to become my friends.
My love for people and my desire to befriend them give me the courage to offer myself and make important decisions about gaining new friends. I step over my fears and doubts and offer a person something that sometimes does not fit within his worldview and conflicts with all his plans. Some initially respond to my ‘attack’ and even allow me into their personal space, trying to understand what kind of wonder has suddenly entered their life.
But I do not come alone. When I offer myself, I bring behind me an entire freight train of my knowledge, blessings, revelations, and character traits. At the head of it all, I present Jesus, Who directs all these new processes within the relationship. All this comes naturally as part of my offer to become a friend. This does not mean that I immediately pour all these blessings onto the new friend’s head. But I let him understand who I am and that all the good qualities of my soul are now at his disposal, to enjoy as he wishes. Most importantly, my Jesus can now reveal through me all His tenderness and the love I have been taught and am ready to give at all times.
What would you do with a new friend like this if I approached you in such a way? My new acquaintances are not blind, and believers have discernment and can understand very quickly who is standing before them and what he wants. The newness of a relationship always attracts thirsty souls, and people decide to draw closer to unfamiliar fellow believers at their own risk or out of love for them.
New relationships bring new discoveries into life and call me to make new decisions. When I welcome one more friend into my life, I open my heart to that person. I do not know where our friendship will lead me, but it certainly will not lead back to the peace and quiet I had before this event.
Whatever my new acquaintance—a candidate for lifelong friendship—may be like, he remains free in his choice and has the right to decide for himself how to build a relationship with me or whether to build one at all. I respect this choice, but I do not know what it will be. Therefore, for my part, I plan for success and move in that direction without giving any reason for the relationship to be broken. I am not going to hide Jesus, and I gladly share Him with my new friend. I understand that if Christ is absent from our friendship, it will not become the friendship it ought to be in Him. I also greatly desire to share all my spiritual knowledge and discoveries with my friend, because this is my life. I do not immediately pour all of this into the life of my new gift from the Lord, but it is difficult to hide a burning candle inside one’s clothing or pretend it is not there.
I will say honestly that, as a channel of God’s love who shares this knowledge with you, I find it impossible to hold it back when communicating with new people whom I desire to gain as friends. Although at times I need to observe a person more closely and give him an opportunity to enter calmly into a relationship with me, light is difficult to contain within, and it will certainly illuminate the life of my new acquaintance. And what can love offer?
Different encounters and different people teach me to offer myself and a relationship with me with special tenderness and care. Many people have broken hearts and empty pockets, and it is worth noticing this first and participating in a person’s life without asking anything in return. You do not want to give yourself to everyone forever without first understanding whom you are dealing with. Nor is everyone ready to receive me as a gift for eternal use. But eventually, points of connection are found, and the next step remains: declaring your serious lifelong intentions and announcing that you are a friend. This is where the most interesting part begins. Your acquaintance understands what you are offering, but he also sees the freight train firmly coupled to you—a train from which you have no intention of separating, but with which you will certainly enrich your new friend’s life. You yourself are an unexplored planet that he will now spend an endlessly long time discovering, while he will also need to open himself. This means that one of the best parts of your life will now be shared with a new person who, through his friendliness and presence, will bring joy to your heart throughout this earthly life. Then, throughout all Eternity, he will lay claim to your eternal time and reserve an incredibly large number of hours for himself every week. All this and much more rushes very quickly through the mind. And when you also consider that a new friendship will pour new light into your life, forcing you to reconsider many habits and priorities, it becomes too much.
And you simply look at your new friend and wait for his decision. Some dare to go farther, some remain silent and think, and some make it clear that I have come to the wrong person. I do not need many explanations. I am ready for any decision, but a refusal to become friends always brings pain. It does not destroy your life, but it shows that this person will never become someone close to you and that you will now have to live your entire life without him.
Yet the optimism of a loving heart does not allow these thoughts to develop. You set new goals and mark out new heights that are still worth conquering.
Sometimes existing friends decide to end the relationship and stop communicating without explaining why. They have the right to do this, and because you understand your own imperfection, you cannot prevent them. Yet losses like these bring unusual experiences into life. Jesus can comfort us better than anyone and explain the true reason for such separations. It is worth reconsidering your own behavior and continuing to love those who have left you.
Although the Lord experienced the pain of loss as He watched His departing friends turn their backs on Him—especially after solemn truths were spoken in Galilee—He never asked anyone to reconsider and return. Moreover, He asked even His closest disciples whether they also wished to leave Him. Sometimes He asks me this question as well. ‘Lord, to whom shall we go? Thou hast the words of eternal life.’ From now on, I will go only with You.
Bible Verses for Reflection
Proverbs 18:24; John 6:64–71; 13:21; Luke 18:18–30; Matthew 10:32–33; 19:16–30; 26:23–25; Psalm 27:9–10; Isaiah 1:3–4; Jeremiah 2:13; 2 Timothy 1:15; 2:11–13; 4:16.