What do you hear when I tell you that I love chicken? Knowing that I am a vegetarian, some of you may decide to ask what exactly I mean by such a statement. Questions like this cause me to consider the meaning of my love for this animal. Do I truly love the chicken, or do I love the taste of its meat and the aroma of roasted flesh coming from a hot oven? Whenever I pass the meat section, I am always amused by pictures of smiling animals on packages of sausage. It creates the impression that their only dream is to be chopped up for discerning gourmets. Yet we become accustomed to such expressions and understand their culinary meaning. Then, after using expressions like these, we declare that we love one another. This kind of love makes a person feel uneasy. It makes me want to ask, ‘In what kind of package do you love me best?’ But then I would most likely be the one who was not understood.
If we analyze our relationships with one another and look into their depths, we can understand that in many cases they are conditioned by our behavior or by what we do for each other. This is precisely what we fall in love with.
I really like teddy bears. They are so soft and fluffy. It is pleasant to press an unshaven cheek against them and smell their clean fur. They never bite me or complain when I intrude into their lives and begin dragging them across the floor by one leg or carrying them beneath my arm. But I imagine what would happen if this teddy bear were alive. I think I would have to reconsider my behavior and become more careful and considerate. Although it is an animal, it has an unpredictable nature and can be very dangerous.
If I tell you that I love a living bear cub, you will not ask what I mean, because eating bears is not customary in our society. This means that I care for this creature, create favorable living conditions for it, choose the proper food, spend time with it, show it affection if it permits me, and do many other things to which love moves me. Perhaps this little bear will begin responding to me with affection and will not regard me as a steak for its next breakfast. Even if it has nothing to eat, I will most likely not appear in its plans as a desirable lunch.
What do you hear when I say that I love you, my friend? You understand that I am not a cannibal, so this expression does not alarm you. Yet far from everyone considers what kind of love is being discussed.
Do I truly love you? Or do I love your kind attitude toward me? What tells you about my love? How can you understand how deep it is and toward whom it is directed?
God permits trials in every relationship to reveal whether it is superficial or deep. Heaven is not opposed to our being kind to one another and to the entire world. But kind treatment may be produced by the circumstances of life and does not necessarily testify to mutual love.
When I tell my friend that I love him, I understand what I mean. These are not empty words but the expression of an attitude founded upon a deep principle and drawing its strength from the Source of Eternal Love. If I do not intend anything like this, I will find another word or remain silent. I understand what I am dealing with, the influence words of love exert, and the consequences they bring into my life.
God, Who endows me with His love, expects thoughtful conduct from me in this area. He knows how much love I withdraw from the Heavenly bank. It gives Him great pleasure to see His agape leave Heaven forever in a rushing stream, pass through my heart, and pour into the lives of those around me in the form of modest words of love, small expressions of attention, and acts of faith that few people notice or value. But I love, and I understand what I am doing.
Knowing what agape toward you means, I am prepared for the testing of my love. I ask the Lord for an abundance of it so that I may endure any attack and preserve the right spirit and the right attitude, consistent with the path of love I have chosen.
This is how I understand it: if I have decided to love someone and be his friend, it is forever. Although I am humanly weak, I have the Lord, Who strengthens me in such decisions and places His seal of approval upon them as I become established in them. Without Him, all my declarations would be as sounding brass. The only thing I can boast about is knowing how generous the Lord is in giving His love when He is asked for it. He does not hesitate to give all Heaven to help me, if only I will not cease loving the person I have decided to love.
But love is not the enslavement of the will for the gratification of the person you love. It is the right attitude at all times, taking my abilities and desires into account. Mutual freedom is welcomed in love.
And what do I hear when someone says that he loves me? When I understand what Love is and what it is not, observing the development of a relationship can be very interesting. I do not have a rule requiring me to rebuke anyone. I rejoice in every expression of kindness toward me. But through practice, my heart has been trained to distinguish the Heavenly from the earthly. Although I cannot read the thoughts or true motives of a person who loves me, I still desire him, for his own sake, to understand whom or what he loves.
I have seen the trials of relationships sift many decisions and declarations. A friend must come to understand that he needs to stand upon principle in his decision to love, or else determine what the agape God desires to see within us truly is.
Loving one another is the most attainable undertaking in our relationships, but it depends upon our close connection with God. He is the One Who gives us this agape and teaches us how to use it in our relationships with one another. Without Him, nothing will succeed. Yet without our consent, He will not force us to love one another. At best, we will come to love the relationship between us.
I understand what it means to love you, my friend, and I approach this with great responsibility. But when you love me, do you understand whom you love? I am open to this love and will not create obstacles. I will give my whole self, but only you can decide whether you need me. I do not begrudge giving you my attitude, which many people appreciate, but I want to become yours forever and, together with myself, give you my entire attitude as well. Yet I will not dissolve into you. I will remain myself, retaining my freedom to choose how I behave in this love while also respecting your freedom.
And what does God hear when I tell Him that I love Him? He hears what I mean, not merely what I say. He cannot be deceived. Yet He teaches me to love genuinely and is not discouraged by my initial hypocrisy. He leads me toward true values, removing everything temporary and carnal.
In our human love for one another, the Lord sees how we love Him as well, and He does not require more from us than we are capable of giving.
His commandment concerning mutual love carries within itself the power and promise that this is possible if we decide to do it and learn how, remaining patient with the mistakes of others.
I do not object, my friend, if your love for my attitude develops into love for me. This is the essence of our education: that we love one another rather than our relationships. And this is possible.
Bible Verses for Reflection
Deuteronomy 6:4–6; 1 Corinthians 13:1–3; 1 Peter 1:22; John 13:34–35; Mark 7:9; John 15:9–14, 17–19; 21:15–17; Matthew 7:21–23; 15:7–9; Deuteronomy 10:12–13; Genesis 25:28; 29:30–35.