Let me share a brief illustration.
At last, I have a friend! And what a friend!!! He loves me, too. I simply adore him. Perhaps there is nothing more wonderful than spending time with your friend, talking about anything, doing things together, and simply loving. And if you also share common interests and spiritual values, it is like paradise on earth.
I begin to live for this fellowship and dream that our friendship will never end.
The more time we spend together, the more convinced I become that my friend is my property. He is mine. Forever. He must understand this and behave in keeping with these demands and expectations.
The novelty of our relationship quickly fades, and now our friendship rests upon my deep inner attraction and strong emotional attachment. I realize that because I have such a friend, I do not need other people or new acquaintances, for my dear friend meets all my spiritual needs and satisfies all my emotional needs. Why look for anyone else? We are happy in our own little world.
Days, weeks, and years pass this way. We enjoy each other’s company and realize that we need no one else.
When many people see our friendship, they try to enter into our relationship, but we do not want to share with others the intimate feelings we experience.
Then disaster strikes. My friend meets a young woman who begins taking up all his time and turns his attention away from me and toward herself. All our now-rare conversations come down to my having to listen to how wonderful this woman is.
She truly is a good person, but she is depriving me of my property and seeking to take my place in my friend’s heart. He does not object to this and constantly tells me so. What am I to do?
I do not want to destroy their relationship, but I see that something must be done. I realize that I am losing something very precious to me and that my friend has gone quite far in this new relationship. Therefore, if I hinder its development, he will choose to remain with this woman and push me aside. But that should not happen, for we are friends, and friendship is sacred and eternal.
I try to preserve our fellowship and constantly remind him of myself, making it clear that I also exist, that I also need attention, that I still want to talk, and that I have things to share. We try to maintain our relationship. But this new girlfriend immediately discerns my intentions and lets my friend know that she wants to be the one to whom he devotes his life; otherwise, she will step aside and no longer interfere with our friendship. Of course, my friend chooses her. Tension enters our relationship.
A wedding is now approaching, and I am invited to serve as one of the witnesses. I am pleased, yet I am also in pain, because I am losing something very close to me forever. How unfair this is!
Meanwhile, my relatives and good acquaintances continually tell me so many details from the lives of my friend and his girlfriend that I cannot stop wondering how blind I was in my love and how I failed to see what they see. But now I have become wiser, and I will no longer allow other friends to ‘lead me by the nose.’
Now my friend has a family and children. We still communicate, but no longer as before; now we do so cautiously.
I have embellished this situation a little in order to highlight certain aspects of such relationships. I can assure you that the friendship of people who do not know Christ differs from the friendship of Christians, or from the friendship of a believer with people who do not have Eternal Life.
Although friendship remains friendship in every situation, it may have different motives and rest upon different principles. The foremost principle of true friendship is that it respects a person’s choice and gives a friend complete freedom to choose the relationships and the degree of closeness he desires.
We live in a world with its own ideas and rules of friendship. They closely resemble spiritual ones. The two have much in common. As a result, when I become a believer, I want to bring my old ideas into my new life. This creates problems in relationships, and I do not understand why everything goes wrong.
The finest example of friendship is Christ’s relationship with me. He loves friendship, knows how to be a Friend, knows how to befriend me, and is the truest Friend of all. His treatment of me sometimes bewilders me. I judge Him by myself, but He is not like me; He is unique. I think that because I have done this or that, Jesus will now act in a certain way, because that is how things are done in the world. But He does not act according to my ideas; He has His Own understanding. Christ often surprises me by the way He treats me. He may embrace someone and hold that person close, bringing comfort in this way. He may speak tender words to one of His friends and look into that person’s eyes, yet pass me by without even looking at me or comforting me, leaving me to resolve everything alone. Still, Jesus will not abandon me forever. He will stand nearby and watch with interest as I struggle with my troubles and find a way out. Yet I so long for Him to embrace me, too, and settle everything with His gentle touch. In despair I cry, ‘Lord, dost Thou not care that I perish and suffer?!’ He watches me attentively and waits for something. But when I finally cry out, ‘Save me!!! I perish!!!’ He is instantly beside me and saves me. How am I to understand Him?
Yet in His love for me, Jesus helps me understand that I can handle many of my problems myself, for His grace is sufficient for me, while He treats those who are weak in faith with greater tenderness. I watch Him embrace them after hearing my stories and speak gently to them through my words, while He does not even look at me. And I am so joyful that it happens at least in this way. How I wish I could always remain such a little child, lying in His arms and receiving His affection! But Jesus sends me out into the world on my own and teaches me to become independent. He always watches over me, however, keeping me within His sight and allowing me to make mistakes, fall, rise again, suffer bumps and bruises, and choose my path.
He respects my freedom and preserves me within it, and He forbids others to violate my personal space without my consent. He Himself does not enter where I do not allow Him to enter.
We were all created for one another, but we cannot make one another our property, even if we belong to the same family. To become another person’s conscience is a serious violation of personal freedom and an area that is off-limits.
Every society has order, standards of behavior and morality, and rules of its own that must be considered and observed. But there is also something deeply personal that I must decide for myself. This personal realm includes what I am to understand, what I am to believe, whom I am to love, with whom and how I am to be friends, how I am to behave, and what kind of person I am to become. God respects my choice and does not violate my will, but He always offers the best path and promises to be with me if I choose Him. How fascinating this is! I am free to choose life or death, blessing or a curse, friendship or enmity, love or selfishness. He takes my choice into account and acts according to what I choose. When I respond to His counsel by saying that I have no time to study it or grasp its essence and meaning, He accepts even this and waits.
Bible Verses for Reflection
Deuteronomy 27:16; Micah 6:8; Zephaniah 2:3; Philippians 2:3; Matthew 23:8–11; Mark 16:9; John 13:1; Luke 17:17–19; Exodus 20:3–5; Romans 6:16; John 4:23; Luke 9:54–55; 1 John 4:1.