We have now reached the culmination of our theoretical knowledge about friendship, which smoothly transitions into practical skills.
I will describe how this takes place in my life, and you may decide for yourself whether this method is suitable for you. Whenever I begin presenting this subject, for some reason, everyone becomes very joyful. Perhaps each person imagines himself as the “victim of the offensive” and looks forward to the consequences.
As we have already noted, an overcomer is someone who does not sit behind an impenetrable defense but goes on the offensive. This is easy to define, but how can it be put into practice?
Friendship begins with my decision to become a friend to a particular person. It is confirmed by the Holy Spirit as this decision of my will is put into action.
Sometimes this happens unexpectedly. My new friend knows that I am friendly, finds me himself, and makes it clear that he is interested in me. My heart immediately responds to such an invitation and rejoices over the new soul it receives. Afterward, in prayer, I ask for a blessing upon our friendship.
But perhaps my future friend does not know that I am friendly and would be glad to have a relationship with him. In that case, I might wait for him my entire life without ever seeing him come. To avoid depriving him of the joy of friendship with me, I decide to take the first step. I do not think public transportation or the street is the best “fishing spot,” although an invitation can also be made there.
Now I choose the “victim” of my offensive. The very first and best thing to do is pray for God’s blessing upon this undertaking. I begin studying this person and asking for special wisdom so that I can understand which key will fit the heart of my future friend. I pray for this soul and ask for special blessings in his life. My heart is ready to receive this person forever while leaving him the right to choose what to do with me.
A person’s freedom of choice must remain inviolable. This offensive requires special tenderness so that I do not cross these boundaries or build a relationship based on duty, fear, or guilt. I should also make sure that my friend is interested in me so that I do not torment his heart by irritating him with my offers or assistance. I pray for special discernment, and the Lord answers.
If there is an urgent need, I can even fast to make certain that I am honest in my decision to be a friend and to ask the Lord to place His Hand upon my efforts.
Then I approach this soul and begin a conversation. Depending on the situation, I may immediately declare my desire to be a friend and explain that for now, this is a one-sided decision that obligates him to nothing. At least this person now knows something about me and can decide for himself how to respond. But the word has been spoken, the seed has been sown, and the process of receiving and germinating this message begins in my friend’s mind.
I ask for special wisdom about how to behave next. I try to understand what is suitable for this person, what he dislikes, which subjects interest him, and what his soul loves. I enter the world of his interests and expectations and look for points of connection through which I can become attached to him with all my soul.
Being a friend is my one-sided decision, and it carries the risk that I will be rejected. I will have to continue living with that rejection while my decision to be a friend remains unchanged. To avoid troubling a heart without good reason, I do not direct this weapon at the first person I meet. I choose someone whom the Lord has brought across my path.
I do not think about how our friendship will continue. First, I plan how to begin it, and I entrust all the consequences to God.
But after all the decisions and prayers, the most important thing is to take the first step and go on the offensive. The offensive can take different forms, but its essence is the same: to make my presence known, to make it clear that I exist, that I rejoice because this friend has appeared in my life, and that I greatly need him. I may express this through a simple greeting, an offer of help, or participation in meeting his needs. Everything depends on the situation. Then I observe his response very carefully and pray.
It is very important to notice my friend’s good qualities and positive character traits. I can gather this information from his acquaintances and friends by simply asking them to tell me something good about him.
If my fleshly nature begins objecting to this decision and tries to persuade me to abandon the undertaking and not interfere in the person’s life, I will not listen to that voice. Life without this friend in my heart would be uninteresting. How could I look into his eyes throughout Eternity, knowing that I could have become his friend here on Earth but failed to do so? What shame I would feel in my own eyes!
Once the first step has been taken and I have entered the person’s private space through my greeting or carefully considered approach, I begin observing his response so that I can understand what to do next.
At this point, agape love is greatly needed because it can very quickly reveal the person with whom I am dealing and show me what to do next. Working together with me, love begins influencing the heart of my new friend. It helps me understand how best to act, what should be said, and what should remain unsaid. Sometimes love begins with words of love. Sometimes it touches a friend, helps him with his needs, or spends time with him. Some people can be told directly about my intentions and my desire to be their friend. Love possesses enormous persuasive power, and it should not be ignored. After all of this comes a time of waiting, which may last a fraction of a second or extend for several days. But the seed of friendship has been sown, and it needs time.
Perhaps my friend has no time for me because he has enough concerns and other friends. He may make this clear immediately. Yet my task is to convince him that I am different and purposeful—that I will be someone who thinks about the happiness of his friends and acts to promote it, and that I need nothing from my friend except the person himself and his heart.
I begin discovering what can make this wonderful person happy. I am not capable of everything, but I possess myself and my heart, which loves at all times and can give itself for his lifelong use. With this arsenal, I enter the battle and go on the offensive because I do not want to leave my friend living in this world without my friendship.
After reaching the goal and gaining another victory, I continually think about this person’s happiness and periodically remind him of my presence within the boundaries of the access and desire he has granted me.
There is no universal rule for everyone. Every person is a new discovery and an unusual experience. This brings special joy and emotion to my heart, even if, at first glance, nothing has succeeded.
An overcomer is someone who rises from his chair and goes on the offensive, leaving questions about securing the territory and dealing with the consequences to the Lord. God Himself goes ahead and prepares the way for the battle. It is a very fierce war. All my fears, selfishness, laziness, alienation, and loneliness rise against me. Together, they declare that I may lose them forever and must make an extremely difficult choice. I choose love and friendship, and I go on the offensive. May the Lord help me.
Bible Verses for Reflection
Luke 16:9; Philippians 4:8; 1 John 4:10–11; Romans 5:5–8; Matthew 4:19.