Even the purest and most beautiful feeling has an effect on the body’s physiology. When a person experiences joy or pleasure, a surge of hormones directly affects the pleasure center and opioid system located in the brain. We should also bear in mind that the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms are always nearby, watching each of us very closely.
The company of two people of the opposite sex is an area where extreme caution must be exercised, without becoming overconfident or relying on one’s own strength and principles. Within each of us, the enemy of our souls has an ally called the “carnal nature,” which will never die as long as we live in this world. This carnal man is dangerous to me because he lives within me and often offers himself as the master of my will. Even when my will belongs to Christ and relies completely on the saving power of my Lord, the old man, although “pinned to the ground,” always keeps his ugly head ready to rise and attack my will if I loosen my grip and let him go for even a moment.
Unfortunately, the sad history of the fall of many strong people begins within themselves. If I willingly place myself in an environment that gives my carnal nature an opportunity to manifest itself, there is no guarantee that I will withstand this trial and remain steadfast to the end.
The companionship of two principled people who care deeply about each other can become a fierce battlefield against their carnal inclinations if they allow their feelings to govern their actions.
Hormones such as dopamine, endorphins, serotonin, testosterone, and adrenaline have a certain influence on the emotional state of the mind and can very quickly bring a person into a state of euphoria and blissful pleasure. The holiness of a believer’s principles does not deprive that person of feelings and emotional experiences. Hormones work actively from within and perform their usual functions when the brain gives the command. The eyes can instantly move ahead of the will and quickly bypass protective barriers, activating the hormonal centers of rapid response. And when analytical thinking finally becomes involved, a person’s will may already be completely subject to pleasant feelings and may have no desire to leave that state. Drug addiction, for example, is a vivid illustration of hormonal power over the human will.
Two believers of the opposite sex falling in love with each other is beautiful in itself and brings special experiences into their lives. They find and set aside the best time for each other, take joy in building their relationship, pray for one another, and may even organize joint projects or make common plans for life. God watches over these souls, revealing each person’s character to the other. All their feelings remain under the control of reason, and they look at their close relationship with a clear mind.
But a moment comes in their friendship when one of them deliberately decides to touch the other and see what happens. He lovingly takes her hand, and she allows him to do so, or the other way around. As soon as this contact occurs, the body immediately reacts and releases the corresponding hormones into the bloodstream. Depending on the depth of the friends’ emotional connection, their feelings may very actively suppress reason and produce an almost magical pleasure. Not every touch causes such a reaction. If it happens on crowded public transportation during rush hour, the body may respond calmly to a friend’s touch. But when these people touch each other while alone, entirely different feelings arise.
And how pleasant is that first kiss before marriage when it is welcomed rather than resisted! How much sensual joy it brings, and how Hollywood loves to portray it! This is where the most interesting, and sometimes the saddest, part begins. The Bible does not directly prohibit kissing, and therefore the sons and daughters of God sometimes practice it without waiting until marriage. While holding hands may bring joy to the heart and the will may still retain control over the feelings, a kiss breaks down barriers, and emotions lead the body into a world of sensations, rewarding the couple with special joy and pleasure. The pleasure center receives a rapid and abundant surge of hormones, bringing the mind into a state of euphoria. The carnal nature immediately joins in, suggesting that the experience should continue and be repeated. The next kiss is no longer quite as sweet, but it is still very pleasant, and refusing another kiss may eventually be interpreted as a rejection of the relationship, which neither person wants to damage.
However this description may sound, it reflects a reality of our time that shifts the focus from getting to know each other rationally to the realm of feelings and emotional experiences. At best, these experiences do not develop into very intimate relationships outside marriage, but they still suppress the will and give control to the feelings.
A person who has become addicted to sensual pleasure finds it very difficult to analyze another person’s behavior and discover the beauty and diversity of that person’s inner qualities, recognizing both virtues and possible faults and shortcomings.
Not all friends are suitable for each other as marriage partners, but sensual pleasures put “rose-colored glasses” on those who are in love. They see their relationship as a celebration that will last a lifetime. And so these young people decide to build the house of their future happiness on the sand of their hormonal experiences.
The enemy of our souls knows perfectly well when to entangle those who lose their vigilance and enter dangerous territory with his enchantments. He cannot force people to sin, but he can tempt them to try something that does not seem particularly dangerous at first glance, and then to try it again and again. Unfortunately, feelings are not the only things capable of suppressing a person’s will and reason. The enemy of our souls also has the power and ability to bewitch people who are in love when they cross ethical boundaries and decide to test their self-control, believing that they can stop at any moment and return to the original, seemingly harmless situation. And married people who enter the enemy’s territory already know the taste of intimacy and may be even more susceptible to his enchantments.
We are spiritual beings, and we can very quickly come under the influence of God’s Spirit or a fallen spirit. We should never underestimate the power of spiritual deception when we enter forbidden territory.
But things are not so hopeless for those who establish reasonable boundaries in their relationships, are not afraid to discuss what is happening, and keep their feelings under the control of reason, trusting wholeheartedly in God’s protection, even if they have already experienced hormonal pleasure. The brain tends to obey a person’s will and can very quickly block many internal processes if that will turns to Heaven for help and asks God to protect the soul from falling and from evil influence.
Knowledge of ethical standards, the establishment of clear boundaries, understanding God’s will, spiritual belonging to Christ, and a personal relationship with Him—all these things will protect the soul from evil and help a person see and accept a friend in the proper light, allowing a pure relationship to develop. Falling in love is innocent when it remains within the boundaries of God’s will and common sense.
Questions for Reflection on This Chapter
1. Please read Matthew 18:7; Proverbs 3:5–6; 2 Samuel 13:1–2, 14–15; Matthew 14:6–7; 2 Corinthians 13:5; 1 Thessalonians 5:21–23; Ezekiel 36:26–32; Philippians 1:8–11; 2:5; Hebrews 5:11–14; Psalm 139:14, 23–24; Romans 1:21–24, 28 in light of this topic.
2. What have you understood from this topic?
3. What other Bible verses have come to your mind?
4. Do you understand the relationship between your thoughts, feelings, and desires?
5. Can a person control their feelings and thoughts, or should desires govern the mind?
6. What do we call those who allow their feelings and desires to dictate and impose a way of life upon them?
7. Do you believe that a believer is capable of keeping all their passions and lusts under control, or should physiological processes be allowed to develop naturally according to circumstances?
8. What is the difference between love and lustful thoughts when hormones begin to influence the mind?
9. What should I do if my body’s hormonal processes draw me toward an obvious sin that does not seem so terrible?
10. Do you believe that the enemy of our souls actively participates in all romantic experiences, trying through his enchantments to lead people into sin? Or are there some people over whom he has no such power?
11. Do you know any believers who began developing very intimate relationships before marriage? Are they still close and happy in those relationships today?
12. What should I do if abstinence brings me no pleasure, while I long so much for romance and sensual experiences, yet I am afraid that God will punish me?
13. Is widespread moral corruption a characteristic feature of the last days? Is it worth living by different rules? Or does God take a lenient view of such human behavior because, after all, this is the twenty-first century?
14. Does the word “sorceries” in Revelation 18:23 have anything to do with falling in love? “And the light of a candle shall shine no more at all in thee; and the voice of the bridegroom and of the bride shall be heard no more at all in thee: for thy merchants were the great men of the earth; for by thy sorceries were all nations deceived.”
15. Does Heaven watch how people who are in love behave and what they do?