What a wonderful school! What wonderful information! Where is that neighbor to whom I will tell about my decision to love him?! I simply feel like a hero of love and a victor! And I make the decision to love always and even pray about it, and, inspired by my decision, I choose the man or woman who will take a place in my heart, and I will delight this friend with my sincere attitude all my life.
I pray and wait. And now: the weather is beautiful, the sun is shining into my right eye, a warm breeze is stroking my freshly washed hair, I have eaten a delicious meal, and everything inclines me to love, while beside me is someone whom I do not yet know very well, and I open my mouth.
I begin to speak words of love, recalling the lessons I studied at the School of Agape Love, and I observe my listener’s reaction. Everything happens just as I was taught. The person draws inward and watches me distrustfully. He feels very comfortable in his shell and has no intention whatsoever of coming out of it. But words of love have a special power and influence, of which I am aware, while “my victim” does not even suspect it. And again and again I speak about how genuine and sincere I am, assuring my new friend that this is from God. And the weather seems to ally itself with me, sending gentle rays of sunshine, wrapping us in warm nights, and we fly in the arms of a quiet breeze into the unknown called “love.” I am so grateful for this school of love. I have learned so much in it, and now I am a victor. I become even more firmly established in my decision to love and understand that this is forever!
And then, on about the fifth day, I see a miracle: the soul of my beloved friend stands before me and opens its heart, cautiously inviting me to enter. I am at a loss because of such a victory and, at the same time, I rejoice. This is it!!! It works!!! Our teacher was right! And I try to remember what should be done next, and we begin to get to know each other more closely.
My new friend simply consumes me with his attention and amazes me with his attachment. I notice that all my vital juices are being rapidly sucked out by him. But I feel like a hero. I love. At the same time, I go to work and deal with other responsibilities.
A short time of friendship passes, and I suddenly understand that not everything is so simple. Love requires enormous inner potential, and I do not have it. Besides, my stomach has started hurting for some reason, and there is a crisis at work. But my friend thinks only about himself and wishes to hear new revelations about my love. Yet I do not want to say anything. I am simply tired. Fortunately, I am understood correctly and left alone. I immerse myself in my thoughts and begin to examine my feelings. Was I not too hasty with my love? It turns out that this is not one continuous celebration, but a sacrifice—now on my part—and I am not ready for that, nor do I know what to do next. It is one thing to read the lessons, in which everything is so clear and right, but in practice I feel as though I am in a juicer. I seem to be here, but inside there is emptiness. And the farther it goes, the worse I feel.
No, I must be honest. I have understood a terrible truth about myself: I am a hypocrite. And these clouds and this cold wind seem to confirm my thoughts. My friend does not understand what I am going through and quietly waits for my next actions. And the most frightening thing is that he lets me understand that he loves me too and is grateful that I found him in this way, opened him up, and caught him. But with fear I understand that I am burned out, that I am not the person I claimed to be, that I am a liar. And although I am ashamed to admit it, I do not love!!! This is very frightening, but I must be honest. I gather courage and decide to say these terrible words. I understand that something very bad will happen, but I am accustomed to being truthful and am proud of this trait of my character. This is probably the one thing to which I remain faithful.
And I invite my friend to have a candid conversation, and I reveal...
Stop!!! Do not say anything!!!
You cannot even imagine what will happen within you and in the heart of your neighbor. Never take this step, even if you are absolutely certain of it. This is the abyss of emptiness into which Satan wants to cast you. Do not let him do it. You have God, Who knows what is happening, and this condition of your soul is not something new, but the usual consequence of inner burnout. He did not design us to be independent in our decisions and to use only our inner potential, especially in love.
The mistake of the one who decides to love his neighbor most often consists in relying on his fleeting feelings, considering them a firm foundation, and, during favorable times, simply being certain that it will always be this way. It is especially sad to see families being formed on such a foundation. And when the reserve is exhausted and the inner potential has run dry, the foundation cannot withstand the static load and develops cracks, and the little house of love and happiness begins to collapse. And great will be the fall of it!
Is there a way out? Can this be corrected? Yes, there is; yes, it can!
The first thing you should not do is declare to your friend or spouse that you do not love him or her. These words can exert an irreversible influence for evil both upon you and upon the object of your love. And this is not the kind of truth that should be announced in this way. If good statements must be proven, bad ones are believed immediately, without proof, and no one tries to assure you that you are mistaken or deceiving yourself. And the spirits of wickedness strengthen these words of lovelessness and convince people of them. Sadly, people speak about this more than about what is good and right. And the worst thing is that, from your sad experience, the person concludes that all people are like this and closes himself off from everyone; and sometimes it is very difficult, or altogether impossible, to open this door. But God works miracles.
The decision not to love has no firm foundation within it, so you should not build the future upon it; there simply is no future there. Instead, you should understand what is happening. The reserves are exhausted, there is no strength—this is how it is supposed to be! This is a law. But there are two external powers that offer themselves: darkness and light, Satan and God. Within them is enormous potential and power. Which will I choose?
I choose God. And I simply tell Him about what is happening within me. I tell Him about my emptiness, about my feelings, about the fact that I can no longer love in this way. And He listens and tenderly prepares a way out, but He does not immediately overwhelm me with His answers. Love is a lengthy process of learning and growth that should not be hurried, but neither should it be delayed. It is best to ask not for new feelings and experiences, but for the Lord to teach me to love truly, and He answers such requests.
You should not hurry to declare your love, even if it overflows within you; but neither should you say that you were hasty or mistaken when you spoke of love, if those words came out of you. Instead, you should understand that you must seek support and a way out in God and, together with Him, make such decisions or correct such mistakes. After all, the Source of Love is He Himself, and He desires only that I find Him and connect myself to Him, so that eternally, endlessly, always, at every moment and in every mood, I may come to Him and take as much as I need.
It is written that charity never faileth, and therefore, if mine has passed away, it was not love but feelings; and I should not despair, but should replace them with something genuine, eternal, and right. And this is possible.
If God has commanded this to us, then He will teach everyone to do it.
Homework 228
In the light of our lesson, please read Isaiah 40:29–31; 1 Corinthians 13:8; Matthew 7:7, 11–12; Psalm 62:11; John 7:38; 1 John 3:18–22; Hebrews 4:16; 2 Corinthians 4:6–7, 10; Philippians 2:3–5; 2 Corinthians 12:9–10; Philippians 4:13; Ephesians 3:16–21; and Philippians 4:19–20. Do these lessons help you learn something useful? What did you understand from this lesson? Why should one not hurry to declare one’s love? If I told someone about my love and then understood that they were only feelings, what should I do in this case? Is it necessary to speak about love at all? Is it obligatory to love our neighbors? They can be happy without my love. What should I do if I have a family but have no feelings of love toward my spouse? Must I be honest and tell the truth directly to his or her face? What should I do if I want to love everyone but am very busy with other matters? Is loving interesting?