I remember an occasion when our whole family went out for a walk, and each of us chose a different direction, wanting everyone else to go exactly that way and under no circumstances in any other direction. It sounds foolish now, but at the time it was a major problem. It ended with each person going wherever he wanted, considering his own way the best. After that, we had no friendly fellowship for a long time because each of us considered himself right and deeply offended. At that time, I was not yet asking God for love to resolve such problems and acted as I thought was right. And my understanding that I was the head of the family and therefore decided how everyone should live greatly damaged relationships within the family and provoked resistance from those closest to me. It is very painful and shameful to remember this now. But I see that this kind of understanding is very common in our relationships with people.
Life brings human destinies together in friendly relationships, and we find friends who share our interests, rejoicing that someone thinks as I do. And we call this merging of hearts into one whole, moved by one idea and sharing the same interests, friendship. In the course of such relationships, I understand that my friend is becoming very close to me, that he knows a great deal about me and has access to the secrets of my life and soul, and I do not want to lose him. And considering how much we have shared at the table together, perhaps I will never find another person like him anywhere in life—and there is no need to. This friend meets all my emotional needs, and I need no one else.
When I was a teenager, I had a couple of friends with whom I had much in common. But one of them drowned. My mind could not comprehend it—how could he no longer exist? A year later, my other friend was killed in a fight that he himself had started. My friendship died together with these people. I was seventeen then; I did not know God, the street had been my teacher, and I had no idea where to seek comfort. But the concept of friendship remained.
After that, life brought new interests and new acquaintances. I lived by the laws of this world and knew no others. All of this shaped my mind, making me unfit for Heaven and, more likely, even an enemy of God. Yet Jesus noticed such a good-for-nothing person and began drawing me to Himself. My sins did not deter Him; He simply wanted to show me His love for me, and He continues to do so to this day. I believed that I had a Friend and responded, but I carried my own ideas about friendship with me into my new life.
However, in my new spiritual growth, I received different laws from the Lord, and I liked them very much. Yet they were very difficult to put into practice, because God's law without God's love was a heavy burden that I had to carry out of duty. But I liked it, because I understood that this path was better than the one I had followed before. My own ideas about many things continued with me, and this trailer loaded with worldly knowledge greatly spoiled my life.
God gave me new friends in the church, but my former ideas about friendship destroyed these relationships, and I did not understand what was happening. Many brothers and sisters lived according to their own ideas, and we marched along in harmony until we reached the first crossroads of opinions, where we had to choose the right direction. If our interests did not coincide, we parted, and our friendship ended there. In the world, something might still have been repaired, but in spiritual life I believed that by yielding to someone I would betray Christ. I could not do that, and my friends thought the same way. So we went our separate ways, each taking his own road, yet all proceeding harmoniously toward the same goal by different paths and trying not to cross one another's paths. Meanwhile, they all seemed to me to be stubborn Pharisees. Of course, I did not consider myself one of them.
Perhaps I am painting the picture too darkly, and in reality not everything was so bleak. We still communicated, but the friendship that was so greatly needed was absent. Some friends remained in spite of everything, but I had no correct understanding of such relationships.
Fortunately, the Lord did not leave me in that condition, for He loves me very much and wants to teach me something better.
And how painful it always is when you are walking through life with a friend, everything is wonderful between you, and suddenly you see a fork in the road. You choose the one correct and best path and are already directing your steps onto it, for it does not contradict the truth. But your friend confidently chooses another path, and you do not understand why he is so blind. You want to help him, but he resists. And the most commonplace thing is that this crossroads of opinions may be found on my plate, in the way I organise my leisure time, or in my wardrobe. Yet my pride inflates this into such a tremendous problem that taking one step aside is, to me, equal to renouncing the faith and committing the vilest betrayal of Christ, Who revealed these principles to me. Within a family, it can be even more intense and trivial. If one person believes that a banana should be peeled from the stem end and another cannot tolerate this, conflict is unavoidable. As a result, all your foolish relatives are to blame, while you yourself are a failure in life and the living embodiment of evil. This is a general description of the everyday problems that most often cause disagreements.
Unfortunately, I am not the only one like this. The root of this evil is the pride within my heart, which does not allow love to cleanse my mind but dictates its own rules and even uses the Bible to confirm me in my ambitions.
But love is not proud. It is love that drives this evil spirit from the heart and reveals the best solution to the problem with the least loss.
The fiercest war between friends takes place when two lonely egoists meet. He and she fall in love, decide to start a family, and then, within the family, seek to advance their own ambitions and habits as the common rule for everyone. Their love and friendship vanish somewhere, and they sit amid their shattered plans, weeping over what has befallen them and asking why they have received such a trial. Yet before the wedding, everything was resolved without difficulty, and there were concessions and forbearance toward one another. But the problem is that infatuation took the place of love and, at the first crossroads, died of fear, unable to rise again. Yet life must go on, and then duty and obligation are called upon to help them continue their journey.
Friendship without love is a very difficult undertaking and extremely hard to manage. Every crossroads requires incredible effort to overcome, yet for the sake of friendship it is worth sacrificing oneself. Will anyone appreciate such a sacrifice? I do this and that for him, but he!!! Still, life must go on, so I offer myself as a sacrifice and wait for it to be appreciated—at least after my death.
But love resolves everything very quickly. Is there a crossroads ahead? Which way are you going? May I go with you? I want to understand why you chose this path; perhaps I have missed something. My way is not bad either; shall we walk side by side? Please do not be troubled that I think this way; I simply do not yet know another way and am only learning. Forgive me for acting as I did. I am very sorry that I caused you so much distress. Shall we find a way to put this right together?
Love is inventive in finding the best solutions that are not in its own favour, yet in the end it wins. It knows how to ‘peel bananas’ from either end and sees the solution to a conflict long before it arrives.
Homework 145
What new things did you learn from this lesson? Do you have disagreements with your friends? How do you respond to them? Are you offended by those who hold an opinion different from yours? Why are relationships often destroyed by differing opinions? Do you consider your opinion correct on every issue? If not, how do you treat a friend who holds a different position? What is the cause of disagreements? And who is their author? Please read 1 Corinthians 3:3; 1 Timothy 6:3–5; 1 Peter 3:8–12; 1 Corinthians 11:18–19; 1 Peter 1:22; and 1 Timothy 1:5 in the light of our lesson.