As I study the laws of friendship and receive this gift from God, I understand that ultimately everything comes down to the fact that I must make a choice and do something in this regard. If I have withdrawn from the whole world and do nothing, then nothing will happen. The talent must be put to work and produce the influence placed within it.
When I invest my strength and my heart in my friends, I do not know what I will receive in return, but the law of sowing and reaping tells me that cacti do not grow from seeds of love, and friends will spring from seeds of friendship. I am surrounded by living people who thirst for love, and one simply needs to find the little key to the heart. Then it will open to you forever. And in that case, you can place as much love and happiness as you wish into these treasuries of the soul.
But among all these friends are those who are especially close to you. How can I understand who my close friend is? How can I distinguish him from others? Why did he become close? Why cannot everyone be close?
We know that God has no favourites, and I often hear this phrase. But what does it mean? Does it correspond to the truth? How are we to understand this verse from Romans 9:13: ‘As it is written, Jacob have I loved, but Esau have I hated’? What kind of partiality is this?
It is not for me to judge God or decide how He sees us. But I know that the Saviour’s attitude toward the righteous differs from His attitude toward sinners. He loves both, but He is friends only with the righteous. And among the righteous, there are those who are closer to Him because they desire to know His will, and there are those who have believed but have not understood in Whom they believed, do not know what to do next, and have no desire to do anything.
Love and friendship are two sisters from the same family who look very much alike but have different tasks and influences upon hearts. We are told to love our enemies, pray for those who mistreat us, and bless those who curse us, but we are not told to be friends with them. Love acts in the same way toward friends and enemies: it loves these people and responds to them only in the right spirit, receiving strength from Christ.
Friendship implies my heartfelt attachment to my neighbour. It singles a friend out from a million other people and makes him one.
One day, a colleague at work asked me to drive him to a car lot so that he could choose something to buy. The salesman immediately declared that we were friends and called us that the entire time we were there. His heart was open to something more, and he was so sincerely glad to see us. But when my colleague made it clear that he would buy nothing, I was surprised by how our new friend began to behave. In the end, he did not even say good-bye to us. I think that even if we had bought something, our newly made friend would immediately have forgotten us. But he himself called us that, and I understand these words precisely in this way when they are spoken. There are many other forms of address that express respect for a stranger, but for some reason people call everyone friends, diminishing the meaning of this word.
Jesus said in John 15:14: ‘Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.’ The Lord made it clear that Heaven does not call everyone indiscriminately a friend. But if a person has received this status, it no longer changes. And further we can read what Judas was called during his betrayal. Matthew 26:49–50: ‘And forthwith he came to Jesus, and said, Hail, master; and kissed him. And Jesus said unto him, Friend, wherefore art thou come? Then came they, and laid hands on Jesus, and took him.’
But if a friend can become a betrayer, whom can I call a close friend? Close means right beside me, somewhere nearby. It is a person very dear to me in spirit and personal affection. And how is this determined? Perhaps it is the one who tells me most often of his friendship and love? But I may listen to him out of respect without reciprocating. I may even simply tolerate him, because he is a friend; and it would be wonderful if he would simply keep quiet, but let him speak. I differ from my friend in my own peculiarities, but I accept him as he is and have no intention of changing him. But when I understand the law of closeness, I look at all this differently.
A close friend is someone to whom I can tell everything that is in my heart, knowing that he will simply listen. It is someone to whom I can entrust my secrets, knowing that he will not reveal them to others but will help resolve whatever is within his power. It is someone who always finds time for me and never condemns me. It is someone who respects my freedom and loves me.
Please notice how I have reversed all my definitions of a friend. If a friend is someone whom I treat as described earlier, then a close friend is someone who treats me as I have just described.
A close friend is not someone who has revealed his secrets to me while I am not ready to entrust mine to him, but the reverse. Closeness in friendship is determined not by the length of communication but by the trust that we express toward one another in our relationship.
In our school, we can see how many students open up in their answers. They do this daily and from a pure heart, and then allow other people to look inside them.
I can say with confidence that I have become a close friend to many of them, although I do not tell them as much in return, but I accept what they reveal to me. You do not hear every answer, and not every secret of our communication is made publicly available. But knowing this law of closeness, I rejoice that the Lord gives such friends, and I believe that this carries a mutual blessing. And how easy it is to communicate with a close friend and help him. He is already open to you. He has no one else in whom he could confide. Therefore, such friends should be valued and tenderly kept in the heart.
The School of Love teaches us love, and if this spirit descends upon us in our attitude toward one another, we should not resist it. It is a gift from the Lord.
But the very closest Friend is, of course, Jesus. He is the One Who is ready to listen to all my secrets, problems, needs, and anxieties. He will never cast me out or say that He has no time. He will listen to everything very attentively, embrace me, comfort me, stroke me, hold me close to Himself, and carry me in His arms. Although this is invisible, it is felt by the heart.
He is the One Who showed me such closeness. And when I applied this kind of attitude toward friends, I saw that it works. But a friend may refuse this closeness. He may make it clear that he is not interested in entering into my problems and secrets, and although this is painful, it does not disturb me. I understand that he is free in his decision, and I see that we are simply friends, but not close friends. Then I take all this to Jesus and rejoice that He is the closest Friend.
During my life, I have learned so well to resolve every problem with Jesus that I do not burden my friends with them. They cannot help as He helps in any case. But the Lord is not opposed to our bearing one another’s burdens.
We have been given to one another for love and close relationships, because through these God can very easily convey His truths to us and reveal His loving character. And everyone will know that we are His disciples if we have love among ourselves.
It is good to have close friends, but it is especially wonderful also to be a close friend oneself.
Homework 131
What did you understand from this lesson? Why does God become a very close Friend to us, although we do not hear His voice? Am I a close friend to Jesus? Is it interesting to me to listen to Him? How does this happen? Why do not all those to whom I open my heart consider me a close friend? Is the decision of my heart important when choosing a close friend? Do you have friends with whom you would like to be close, while they are indifferent toward you? Should you tell a friend of your love for him, or should he discover it for himself? Please read Luke 12:4; John 15:15; 13:23; 19:26; 20:2; 21:7; 11:5; Mark 10:21; and John 13:1 in the light of our lesson.