Let us imagine a God Who loves us today, but the next day, when we sin, no longer loves us and expresses His disgust toward us. Then we repent and begin behaving well, and He loves us again. This is exactly how I imagined God, because I myself was like this. Such an attitude is determined by my human conditionality and my heightened sense of justice.
Very many people live with this understanding. Where does it come from? It begins in early childhood, when parents make it clear that they love you only when you are obedient and well behaved, but if you break the established rules, you should expect retribution and righteous anger. When I become a teenager, everything within me rebels, and I am prepared deliberately to do everything badly in order to express my protest against the violence done to my conscience, which thirsts for unconditional love and freedom.
I have already been taught to live this way. Everything around me is conditional. If you do something good for me, then perhaps I will do something kind for you, or I will think about how to respond. When I start my own family, I bring into it all the conditions I was taught from childhood. And when searching for a candidate to be my life companion, I go to a daisy for advice. As trite as it may sound, it is the daisy that tells me the truth about the person. Trembling, I begin plucking its petals and listening to its answer: ‘He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me!!!’ What happiness!!! I am going to propose. But if the answer is ‘He loves me not,’ we will have to part, for there is no point in joining your life to someone who does not need you. Does this sound foolish? Yet for some reason this foolishness has become part of our culture. I am prepared to believe any madness if everyone acts that way. Groupthink gives me the right to a normal life in society. The fact that I am unhappy is not so terrible; the main thing is not to stand out from the crowd and to be part of the team.
With this understanding, I begin to think about God, form His image in my mind, and serve Him. I defend my god against different interpretations and worship him in my soul according to common tradition. Even when I learn that He is Love, I understand this in my own conditional way. I simply cannot comprehend what it means to love unconditionally. How can this be? It cannot exist, because I have never encountered it.
But I try to understand it. I take the Bible and begin reading from the very beginning: the Flood, sacrifices, judgments, plagues, blood, the expulsion of nations, slavery. And where is love in all this? I proceed to read the New Testament, where everything is different. A Man was born Who did good to everyone and spoke the truth, and for this He was killed. I try to understand, but I cannot.
Then the Spirit of God begins revealing to me the truth that God is Love. He did not once become Love, nor did He later turn into Love; He always is Love.
What does this mean? Does He always love me? Even when I make a mistake or sin? Even when I am bad? I begin asking: ‘What if I am like this? What if something here is wrong? Does He love me even when I rebel against Him? And what if . . .?’ Each time, I hear words of love toward me in response. How interesting! It is difficult to believe. It cannot be. It must be earned. What if I become weary? What if I stumble? What if I destroy something? Does He still love me?
What kind of love is this? Yet there is something to it. Many interesting things can be built upon such a relationship without being afraid to be oneself.
What if I am not dressed properly? What if I looked at something I should not have seen? He still loves me. But at the same time, He also punishes me. How can this be? Does He punish with love? And still not reject me? And continue loving me? Oh, with such an attitude I can learn much and not fear punishment. For if I have justly deserved it, I will have to endure it—but from a loving hand, for He will not maim or kill me or cease to love me.
How interesting and unusual!
What a wonderful God! May I be Your friend? Yes? Do You truly want this? To be friends with a sinner like me? I only asked, thinking that You would laugh at my foolishness and boldness and refuse, but You consent without any conditions? I do not understand anything. Is this really possible? And are You always like this? I thought You loved only good boys and girls, and I tried to become one of them so that I could earn something and be accepted. I cannot do it by myself? But I will prove that I know how to do good. I do not know how? Are You sure? I agree. Please forgive me.
This dialogue was also part of my learning. It was difficult for me to understand with my mind, but I accepted it with my heart.
It is God’s unconditional love that gives me hope for something better and for changes in my life. When I begin to understand the greatness and stability of this love, I begin building our relationship upon this foundation. This foundation will withstand everything. I want to have the same feelings and the same foundation in my life. I also greatly desire to become like my God and to love unconditionally, as He does, always. And I learn that this is available to me as well. God’s will is even expressed in this. God dreams of it and has even given a special commandment that we should love one another—not merely love for some reason, but always love unconditionally, as He loved us. Here I understand that I must take the first step toward my neighbour and remain this way always. The Lord will bless this decision, give strength and love for it, and teach me to live this way. But who will believe that I love like this? Humanly speaking, it is impossible because it is not within us, and I will be regarded as a liar. But Jesus assures me that He Himself, abiding in me, will love my neighbours together with me and will place this spirit in my heart. He will show how it looks in my life. And it is possible. This is His plan and dream for me, and it is being fulfilled.
Then every attempt to divine my feelings will sound like this: ‘He loves me, he loves me, he loves me . . .’ I become constant in love, like Jesus. This is God’s plan for the last days. He counsels me to buy it, recommends that I possess it, and leads me along this path toward this goal. He warns of mortal danger for those who do not possess it. He loves me and teaches me likewise to love my neighbours. And it works.
I experience attacks, but Jesus helps me understand that He endured the same thing, and this strengthens me. I can read about every accusation directed against me in the life of Christ. In my love, I am simply experiencing what He experienced while living among people. This is a wonderful example and support for me. There is no need to devise something new or invent something unique. Love always exists and is suitable for every time and situation.
But now it is mine, and I must do something with it. I begin to live in it. I begin to speak about it. And I see miracles in my heart. I see changes in my thinking.
I catch myself thinking that in my love I am planning the happiness of other people. Oh, if only they understood this, how easy it would be for us to be friends and communicate, loving one another simply and from a pure heart. But they regard me as an actor. I look into my heart, and the love is there; it has not disappeared, yet they do not believe me. After all, it is impossible. Why judge me by themselves? I am who I am, and God is my Teacher. If He has given this to me, how can I say it is not there? Then He will not understand me, and there will certainly be problems. I would rather love; it is more peaceful and joyful that way.
I love. And there is something to it. And this ‘something’ is very beautiful.
I suggest that you too, friends, try it. It will work.
Homework 125
It is interesting to consider: how do you imagine God? Does He love you? Have you ever been caught on the hook of groupthink? What kind of worship and service does God expect from you, and how long should you continue in it? Why do we sinful human beings need unconditional love toward us? Do you know God’s plan for you in the last days? What role does love play in this plan? What should you do if people do not believe in the sincerity of your love? Please read Exodus 20:4–5; 34:6–7; John 15:17–21; 16:1–3; 17:23, 26; 4:23–24; 1 Corinthians 13:4, 7; Galatians 3:20; 1 John 4:13, 15–16; 3:3, 23; 1 Corinthians 2:10–11; and Jeremiah 31:33–34 in the light of our lesson.